


Careful what you wish for

by AlViWalker



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Smut, F/M, I'm Bad At Summaries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:08:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlViWalker/pseuds/AlViWalker
Summary: Hi, my name is Tessa and I love to read. Especially fanfiction, because let's be real, who doesn't love to imagine themselves being part of your favorite TV Show, movie or book? Well, turns out, it's definitely not what it's cracked up to be. Not at all...
Relationships: Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

So, you know how people tend to imagine themselves starring in their favorite movie or TV series? I'm sure you do, everyone has done that at some point or the other, not to mention the copious amounts of fan-fictions on that particular topic. Which I am of course a big fan of, because I most definitely am one of those people who likes to read that stuff.

See, I love to immerse myself in stories, be it books or movies or comics or whatever else, always have ever since I was a child, to the point where it almost feels like I am actually in the story itself. And that's totally fine, all harmless fun and a nice way to pass the time, right? Wrong. Because let me tell you something that you might not be aware of: the universe and whatever powers that might be or not be have a very, very bad sense of humor.

There I was, sitting on the couch in my living room and reading a short story on my phone after a hard day of work, some music playing in the background, when I suddenly fell. Like Alice when she climbed into the rabbit hole, because one moment there was a couch underneath my ass and the next there was nothing but air rushing in my ears and bright lights flickering around me. As I fell. Screaming my lungs out because I was not expecting that to happen naturally.

As suddenly as it had begun, it stopped or more to be more precise I was stopped by the ground. Painfully. The impact reminded me of the one and only time I had ever climbed a tree, had fallen out of the branches and had landed on my back, gasping for breath because all the air had been pushed out of my lungs from the impact.

Just as I was gasping at the moment with the added bonus of feeling completely disoriented and majorly freaked out of course. Staring up at the canopy of leaves above me I tried to come to terms with the fact that I was not in my living room anymore but apparently in a forest for whatever reason and if I had to rate my level of panic from one to ten, I was most definitely somewhere around infinity.

Naturally, things only got worse from there because of course they would. Finally able to breathe again, I scrambled off the ground, very inelegantly, wincing when twigs and small stones poked the bare soles of my feet since I was wearing neither shoes nor socks. Understandably as I had been in my freaking living room relaxing and didn't expect to be teleported into a damn forest of all places.

The yoga pants and over-sized shirt I was wearing were also not necessarily the best attire, it was pretty cold out here, cold enough I could see my shaky breath in the air but as bad as that was, that was not the worst part. No, that would be the, and I kid you not, mother-flipping zombie that was stumbling towards me, his odor reaching me long before he did, the putrid smell of decomposition making me gag as I stumbled backwards.

What in the actual fuck was going on here? The only explanation I could come up with was that I had to have fallen asleep because there was no way in hell that I had somehow ended up in a zombie infested forest for real. Then again, the smell, the sight and those horrible gargling sounds the thing made did seem very real to me, too real.

Trying to not let the rotting corpse out of my sight, I frantically looked around for a weapon because I was not about to become someone's snack, thank you very much. Being eaten alive was definitely not on my bucket list but unfortunately, there was no gun or machete lying around, just leaves and twigs I could barely use to scratch myself with. This was kind of bad, wasn't it?

My only option would be to run and hope not to encounter more of the fuckers. Or maybe I would just fall on my ass like a complete idiot because I stumbled over a root as if this was some kind of predictable B-Movie I was trapped in. Which was of course what happened because walking backwards and keeping my eyes on Mr. Zombie was not helpful in noticing obstacles behind me.

With a surprised yelp, I returned to the forest floor but finally luck was on my side because it wasn't a root I had fallen over but a thick branch instead and it looked sturdy enough to get the job done. I was really lucky that the not so friendly next door corpse must've broken his ankle at some point which slowed him down considerably though the way he dragged his more or less useless foot behind him did make me feel a little nauseous.

As did his smell and the way the flesh had rotted off his face in several places, right down to the bone and if I hadn't been filled with adrenaline and a little numbed from shock, I would have surely puked my guts out. But thankfully I didn't, instead I staggered to my feet again and picked up the branch, having to use both hands since the thing was pretty heavy which would mean nothing good for my aim but hopefully for the destruction it could cause.

Swinging the thing as best I could, my stomach lurched when it connected with the zombie's face with a sickening sound, like a wet branch snapping or something, really hard to explain, but it didn't kill him, oh no. His neck was clearly broken, the head hanging at an awkward angle and still he was coming at me, the terrible gargling he had made before sounding even worse now, true nightmare material.

The damn branch was heavy as shit, my arms already beginning to hurt but there was still enough adrenaline left to swing once more and doing my best impression of a warrior cry, I let it crash against the dead man's head again. At least that was what I had intended but like I said, the branch was fucking heavy and I was definitely not the most fit person you would ever meet so instead of the head, the wood connected with his shoulder which made him stumble off to the side but that was about the extent of it.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Yeah, OK, so maybe screaming at a corpse wasn't going to help but I was starting to get seriously pissed off and it gave me the boost I needed. Or maybe I had just lost my mind because suddenly feeling like Hercules, I pummeled the shit out of the thing that should've just stayed dead like it was supposed to, bits of flesh and thick blood flying through the air and splattering my shirt, arms and face.

By the time there was little left of what once was a head, I was panting heavily, the branch slipping from my fingers and landing with a dull thud on the ground, followed shortly after by the meager contents of my stomach. I was no longer feeling like a Greek half-god, more like a newborn kitten, shaking like a leaf and I took a few wobbly steps away from the freaking zombie I just killed, my mind reeling from the experience.

Looking down, I noted the pieces of dead that had found their way onto my clothes and skin which prompted me to frantically rub at my arms and face, wanting to get the stuff off my body. If I had learned anything from pop-culture it was that getting zombie bits in your eyes, nose or mouth was a potent recipe for disaster and I could go without turning into a walking corpse myself.

Even if this was a dream, a hyper realistic one, I really didn't want to die and in case this wasn't a dream at all, a thought my mind refused to accept, I would do good to be careful. But it seemed as if I had been lucky enough not to get anything near my eyes or mouth, thank god for small favors I guessed.

The question was, where to go from here? I had to find some form of civilization that hopefully still existed but if I was where I had the sneaking suspicion I was, then that could be almost as dangerous as running into more zombies. Choosing a random direction, I began to walk, cursing the fact that I didn't have any shoes because my soft feet weren't made to walk through the wild without protection, they were used to nice, comfy shoes and relaxing foot-baths after a hard day of work.

Just like the rest of my body, except for the foot-bath thing of course. I wasn't athletic in any sense of the word, the thing closest to working out I had done in the last ten years was walking three flights of stairs from and to my apartment each day before and after work. I was nowhere near ready for a post-apocalyptic world, dream or no dream and the longer I traipsed through the forest, the more it sunk in that this might not be a dream after all.

My feet were hurting like hell, I was cold as fuck and I had no idea where I was going, how I had gotten here or how I could go back or wake up or whatever. A twig snapped somewhere to my left and I stopped dead in my tracks, going completely still as I anxiously listened for more noise, afraid of another zombie coming my way because clever thing that I was, I had of course left the branch behind.

But if it had been one of the dead, I would have heard gargling and growling no doubt, and there was nothing of the sort, just the wind brushing through the leaves. I tried convincing myself that it might have just been a small animal but I couldn't shake the feeling of being watched, you know the kind where your skin begins to itch uncomfortably and you just know that there is someone somewhere staring at you.

Gnawing on my bottom lip, I contemplated what to do but the decision was taken out of my hands when a figure appeared from behind a tree, close to where I had heard the snapping twig coming from and even without the crossbow pointed at me I would've recognized the shaggy man in a black leather vest who had his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Daryl?” My incredulous exclamation of his name clearly came as a surprise to us both, though he was much better at hiding it, just a barely noticeable widening of his eyes before his expression shuttered down completely and the grip on his crossbow tightened visibly.

“Do I know ya?” A very good question but one where the answer could get a little complicated and since I had no idea where in the time-line I actually was, I had no clue what had and had not happened yet. He was clearly expecting an answer though and I opened and closed my mouth a few times without any words coming out. What was I supposed to say? That I knew him from a TV show?

“No, but I know you. Well, kind of. Don't know if you can tell, but I don't really belong here. Bit of a weird story actually and I'm pretty sure you're not going to believe me, but I also don't want you to put an arrow in my head so...” I trailed off and pursed my lips unsure over how to proceed and then decided to just roll with it and see what might happen.

“OK, so I know this will sound nuts, but just hear me out. There is a TV show called the Walking Dead. It's about the end of the world and the dead coming back to life and all that and there is this group of people which the series follows during their journey navigating that new world. That's how I know you, because I somehow ended up inside that show, which is bananas and not nearly half as cool as people think it would be.” Gesticulating around us and then motioning at myself I was hoping I was getting my point across but Daryl looked as if he was seriously contemplating on either putting the obviously crazy person out of her misery or bolting, so I brought out the big guns.

“Your name is Daryl Dixon and you had a brother named Merle, giant asshole with a slight drug addiction that lost his hand on a roof in Atlanta because he was shackled to some pipes and T-Dog accidentally dropped the keys in a drain. Everyone thought he was dead, including you until he turned up again when you encountered the governor back when you were at the prison after Hershel's farm was overrun. Where you also found Sophia, Carols daughter who had already been dead for most of the time you had been looking for her. I know a lot more stuff but as you can see, I might not be as crazy as I sound because how would I know these things if what I told you wasn't true?” After dropping that convoluted information bomb on him, I waited with bated breath for his reaction, my heart going a mile a minute and my shoulders sagged in relief when he lowered the bow, though his expression remained guarded.

“Still sounds crazy to me. But ya ain't wrong on the things you said, so there must be somethin' to your story. And I saw what you did with the walker, clearly your first time killin' one o those things.” He pointedly looked at my splattered appearance and I grimaced, not particularly fond of being reminded of that traumatizing moment but then it fully computed what he was saying and I was the one to narrow my eyes at him in return.

“When you say you saw what I did to the thing, do you mean after the fact or during? Because if it was the latter, a little help would have been much appreciated,” I sniffed out indignantly but Daryl just shrugged nonplussed, shouldering his bow.

“Didn't know who you were, could've been a trap. A pretty lady all alone in the wilderness, not wearing shoes or nothin'? Kinda suspicious.” I could concede to that point, even if I didn't like it, though I felt my face heat a little when he called me pretty. That didn't happen too often and it certainly was nice.

A short moment of awkward silence ensued as he himself seemed to realize what he had said and he scratched the back of his head as he averted his eyes, pretending to scan the area, or maybe he actually was, it was hard to tell.

“I'm gonna take you back to Alexandria, can't really leave ya out here on your own. But if ya try anything funny, I'll put an arrow between ya eyes, got it?” All I could do was nod, said eyes wide, warily eyeing the crossbow slung over his shoulder when he turned to lead the way. My feet were really killing me at this point but since I couldn't magically make shoes appear out of thin air, I soldiered on, my face contorted in a perpetual grimace because every step I took hurt like a bitch.

At least I wasn't feeling as cold anymore, the sun had decided to come out and I realized that it was apparently still early in the day because it soon got pretty warm, though most of that was my own body heating from the unfamiliar exertion of having to walk so much. My mind wasn't doing any better, my thoughts circling around themselves, trying to figure out how in the fuck I had ended up here and how I was supposed to get home again.

Because I had to face the facts, I was in no way prepared to survive this world and I would rather not get eaten by zombies or get shot by other humans or any of the other plethora of nasty things that could happen to someone in a place like this. Daryl wasn't much help, silent as a... well as silent as Daryl was, the guy wasn't known for being a great conversationalist after all.

“I'm Tessa by the way. Don't think I introduced myself,” I tried to start a conversation but only received some kind of grunt in return and a quick sideways glance before silence ensued once more and getting the message, I kept my mouth shut, not trying again.

If this was weird for me, it had to be weird for him as well. I had no idea how I would react if someone told me I was a figment of someone else's imagination but most likely I would think the person telling me that had gone off the deep end, which was probably what he was thinking. Or maybe not, that remained to be seen.

After what felt like hours but were probably only one hour max, we broke through the trees and Alexandria's gate came into view. The paved asphalt felt actually quite nice compared to the rocky terrain of the forest and I heaved out a small sigh of relief as I scuttled after Daryl. It felt surreal when the gate opened and Spencer appeared but at least it gave me a better time frame to work with because if he was still alive, then certain things hadn't happened yet, namely Negan killing him.

A shudder went through me at that thought, equal parts dread and curiosity over the chance of actually going to meet the man who had stared in most of the fan-fictions I had read, which would make things super weird and creepy if I ever ran into him personally, because I maybe, probably, eventually had a crush on the guy.

“Who's the girl?” Spencer greeted us and Daryl shot me another side-eye but decided to ignore the question to ask one of his own.

“You know where Rick is? I need to speak with him.” A shadow crossed Spencer's face at the mention of Rick and it gave me another clue as to which part of the time-line I was in, because if Spencer was fed up with Rick, it meant that Deanna was already dead, which in turn meant that the wolves and the horde had already happened.

“Haven't seen him since the meeting yesterday where he told us about the deal with Hilltop.” I didn't listen to what was exchanged after that, my mind racing as everything clicked into place and I grabbed Daryl's arm, probably sounding as frantic as I felt.

“I need to speak with Rick, now,” I urged him, not bothering to explain myself further because I didn't wan to reveal too much whilst Spencer was around and prying my hand off of his arm, Daryl gave me a sharp nod and walked ahead, paying no mind to Spencer who stared after us as we entered Alexandria.

To say it was strange walking through the streets I had seen so many times on TV would be an understatement, but it was only a second thought at the moment, the urgency I was feeling overshadowing everything else. There were a lot of curious looks send our way, some faces familiar, some not as I hurried after Daryl but I payed them little mind.

We reached a house that seemed more than familiar and when the door opened after Daryl knocked, I knew why because Michonne was the one standing on the other side, the smile on her face which had been for Daryl dropping when her eyes fell on me.

“That's Tessa, found her in the woods. Rick here? Something we need to talk bout,” Daryl responded to the unasked question and Michonne called out over her shoulder, not moving aside to let us in which I totally understood, seeing as I was a stranger. A stranger covered in blood no less.

The feeling of surrealism intensified when Rick joined our little group and I experienced a short moment of vertigo, having to support myself against the banister of the porch as the ground tilted dangerously for a moment. It seemed like I was close to breaking point but now was certainly not the time to lose my shit so I grit my teeth and straightened, ignoring how all three of them frowned at me as I directly addressed Rick.

“Negan has much more men than you can take on. The hilltop isn't the only community he has under his thumb, there is another called the kingdom, don't know if you already know that. The saviors are able to control this area because there are so fucking many of them and they are well prepared, guns, vehicles, several outposts, you name it. This isn't like it was with the governor or even the fuckers from terminus or the wolves. I'm talking hundreds of men here, armed to the teeth. If you strike first, people are going to die, people in this community which are detrimental for your group. As of now, they don't know about Alexandria, but they will once you go through with a preemptive strike and things will not go well for you.”

With that off of my chest, I deflated, exhaustion settling over me like a heavy blanket but of course I couldn't just drop something like that without there being questions because how the hell would I even know all this? Which was exactly what Rick asked me and I exchanged a look with Daryl, taking his raised brow to mean I should tell Rick what I had told him, so that was what I did.

“You're all part of a TV show called the walking dead and I somehow ended up in here only that everything is real and you are not actors. You started out in a hospital on your own, waking up from a coma after you had gotten shot during the job only to find out the world had ended and the dead no longer remained dead. That's when you met Morgan and his son. Then came Atlanta where you met Glenn who in turn took you to his camp where Carl and Laurie were, as well as Shane. Things happened, camp got overrun, then came the CDC, then Sophia disappeared, then the farm, then the prison, then Terminus and finally Alexandria. I know about all of it because I have seen it. Crazy I know, but nonetheless the truth.”

Silence reigned as my words sunk in and I nervously fiddled with the hem of my shirt as my eyes flitted from face to face, my bottom lip caught between my teeth as I waited for someone to say something. Since I got the feeling that they weren't sure whether to believe me or not, I wracked my mind trying to think of something no outsider could possibly know but before I could blurt out anything more, Rick was the first to find his voice.

“It is crazy. But I don't have another explanation as to why you know these things. Though I'm still not convinced that this isn't some kind of trick.” His eyes pierced into mine, probably looking for some kind of tell that would give away I was somehow lying and I shrugged one shoulder, returning his probing gaze as calmly as I could.

“I could go into more detail on certain things if that would make you more inclined to believe me. In all honesty, I wouldn't believe it myself if someone were to tell me something like this, but it is what it is. The important part is that you believe what I have told you about the saviors. What that guy from the hilltop said about the compound? Just an outpost, one of many. If you attack that, there will be hell to pay because they will come down on you like nothing you have encountered before,” I once more urged, hoping that I would get through to them and Rick exchanged a look with Michonne and Daryl before glancing up and down the street.

“Daryl, I want you to gather the others, only our people, you know who to get. Michonne, take her to the infirmary, get her checked up and then bring her back. And you,” Rick pointed at me, prompting me to stand to attention at his authoritative tone, “not a word to anyone.”

Not sure why, but I actually saluted, blushing scarlet when I realized what I was doing and I mumbled out an apology as I let my arm fall down again, feeling like an idiot. But at least they seemed somewhat amused so there was that I guess. Certainly better than being locked up or thrown out no doubt.

With a nod, Daryl took off and Michonne motioned for me to follow her, glancing down at my bare feet once we had left the porch.

“There a reason you're not wearing shoes?” Although her voice was guarded, there was a slight hint of amusement lingering within it and I heaved out a sigh, grimacing down at my poor, poor feet.

“I was sitting on my couch, reading. Usually I don't wear shoes for that. Was really fun to walk through the forest barefoot,” I deadpanned, earning myself a small chuckle and it managed to lift my spirits somewhat because I was starting to realize that I might be actually stuck here for the time being, which was kind of depressing.

Michonne didn't say anything after that, but the atmosphere felt a little lighter and like Rick had asked me to, I only gave my name and not much else when we had reached the infirmary and I was introduced to Denise who patched up my feet which didn't look half as bad as I had imagined but still not very good either. Walking the next few days would be a bitch, but at least I got myself a nice pair of slippers, two numbers too big since otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get inside with the bandages on my feet.

It was odd to interact with Denise, since in the series she was already dead but I hoped that me being here would change things enough for her to live and she wasn't the only one for which I hoped that. Back at the house, Michonne let me enter first and once again, I experienced a short moment of vertigo as several familiar faces came into view but this time it was over much quicker and I only briefly missed my step

“You okay?” Daryl had apparently noticed my trouble with gravity and although the question was asked rather gruffly, it still warmed my heart that he had asked in the first place and I gave him a small smile.

“No, I think its safe to say I'm as far from okay as I can be. But then again, things could always be worse.” I shrugged my shoulders, not having anything more to say on the matter and Daryl inclined his head but didn't respond to that.

My eyes fell on the rest of the group, scattered throughout the living room, aside from Rick, Daryl and Michonne, there were Glenn, Maggie, Carol, Abraham, Morgan, Sasha, Rosita, Eugene, Tara and Gabriel, the only ones missing Carl and Judith. Their eyes were already on me, scrutinizing my rumpled appearance, some with curiosity and some with suspicion and I wondered if Rick had told them anything about what I had told him.

“She certainly doesn't look like someone that knows their way around the world as it is now. But that alone doesn't have to mean anything.” Carol was the first to speak up, her expression unreadable as she looked me over and she wasn't necessarily wrong in her assessment though before I could say something, Rick interjected, gesturing for me to sit down.

“Why don't you go ahead and tell us what you know. In detail,” he suggested and I took a seat in an unoccupied armchair, sighing in relief as my weight was taken off my feet which were burning something fierce.

Wanting to get it over with, I just dove straight into it, recounting the things I knew because I had seen them and answering any questions anyone might have intermittently. Carol wasn't the only one trying to catch me in a lie by misremembering certain things to see how much I really knew, but it became clear pretty quickly that that wasn't going to work.

By the time I was finished, tensions were running high, understandably so. Here I was, a complete stranger that knew all those intimate details about all of them and I could only imagine how uncomfortable that must've been. I certainly wouldn't appreciate that but I could also be a very effective ally in the fight no doubt to come because even if Rick listened to me and they didn't attack the outpost, sooner or later the saviors would stumble across them.

I kept my mouth shut as a discussion ensued over what to do with the information I had given them about their newest enemy, which was admittedly not as bountiful as the other stuff I knew about things that had already happened, mainly because I had stopped watching the show somewhere in the middle of season 7.

Everything after that I only knew through online articles and blogs and it was sparse at best. I didn't know where Negan's actual compound was, only that it was called the sanctuary and was located in an old factory, and I also didn't know exactly how many men he had though I knew it were several hundred.

At least they all seemed to believe that what I was telling them wasn't complete bullshit, it had certainly helped that I had viewed the series more than one time since it had come out and thus I remembered most of the things that only they would know which had helped in convincing them I was speaking the truth.

Without meaning to, I nodded off as they discussed their next move, technically I had already eight hours of work behind me and had been up since six that morning, so naturally I was pretty exhausted after everything that had happened to me today. When I was shaken awake again, it took my sluggish brain a moment to understand where I was and that the face hovering above me belonged to Carol which only further drove home the point that this wasn't all a dream.

“Let's get you into a real bed. The others already left and I offered to let you stay with me for the time being,” she informed me gently and still somewhat out of it, I groggily got up and followed her out of the house, Rick and Michonne nowhere to be seen.

The air outside was hot, the sun high in the sky, burning down during the short walk to her house, the inside much cooler thankfully and the walk as well as the heat had only exhausted me more, so I let out a huge yawn, covering my mouth with my hand.

“Sleeping sounds super nice, but it will fuck over my entire sleeping pattern if I do so now. You wouldn't have coffee by any chance, would you?” I asked Carol semi-hopefully but from her expression alone I could tell that there wasn't any so I waved it off before she could respond.

“Never mind. I'll just push through, wouldn't be the first time. You know, you're actually my favorite from the show. Which sounds super weird when I say it out loud.” And she seemed to think so too, her nose wrinkling as she gave me a strained smile that did not reach her eyes. I wasn't an idiot, I knew why she had offered to let me stay with her, to keep an eye on me and eliminate the threat before it could form should it come to that, but it was true what I had said, she was my favorite.

I could relate to her the most out of all of the characters on the show and deciding that it was only fair to share something of me since I knew so much about her, I wordlessly pulled up my shirt and turned around, showing her the scars on my back.

“His name was Duncan and we started dating in high school. The sweetest guy I had ever met. Until we got married right after graduation that is. After that he transformed into something entirely different, losing his shit over the smallest things, first only with words, then with his fists and his belt. Send me to the hospital more times than I can count and still I stayed with him. Six years in total.” Turning back around, I didn't meet Carol's eyes as I gestured at more scars on my lower stomach, swallowing down the tears that always came when I talked about this.

“Then I fell pregnant and he was convinced that it wasn't his as if I would have had any chance of fucking someone else with him keeping me inside the apartment all the damn time. So he took care of the problem in his own way, not only killing our unborn child but also any hope for future children on my part.” I lifted my head then, my eyes swimming with tears and my lips set in a grim line as I gritted my teeth, feeling the familiar rage that usually accompanied me when I thought about my former husband.

“When that knife slid into my stomach, I had a moment of absolute clarity. I knew that he would never, ever let me go and that the only way to be free was to take action myself. So that's what I did. Took the knife after he was done and stabbed him right in the femoral artery. He was dead before the ambulance arrived and the whole thing was ruled self-defense, seeing as I was half-dead myself and had multiple stab wounds in my stomach. Never took any shit from anyone ever again and never once regretted that I killed the damn bastard,” I finished off my story, pulling my shirt back down and angrily wiping away the few stray tears that had escaped. It had been a while since I had told anyone about this and it left me feeling raw and exposed but I figured if anyone would get it, it would be Carol.

“Why are you telling me this?” There was no discernible emotion in her voice, her features giving nothing away and I let out a humorless chuckle as I tilted my head to the side, looking straight at her.

“Because you are trying to figure out what kind of person I am, if I could pose a danger to your family. Plus, I know a lot of things about you that I'm sure makes you uncomfortable and I thought it only fair to share something of mine in return. Trust is a two way street as they say and I can hardly expect any of you to trust me if I'm not willing to share who I am. I might not be a seasoned fighter in regards to actual combat, but I am a survivor just like you.”

Carol contemplated this for a moment, her eyes searching my face as if looking for something and I kept my expression as open as possible having nothing to hide. Whatever she decided to do with the information I had given her remained to be seen but I hoped that opening up a little would ease her mind a bit.

“You can take a shower upstairs, second door to the left, everything you'll need will be inside the cupboard. I will go and find some fresh clothes for you,” she announced, pointing to a set of stairs and I blinked for a moment, confused by the change in topic but I figured it was her way of showing me some trust because she actually left me alone in the house to go and do what she had said.

As I heaved my tired body up the stairs, I wondered if she was going to speak to the others and tell them what I had revealed and how they might react. I did kill someone after all and though it was ruled self-defense, that fact still remained true. There was blood on my hands that had nothing to do with the apocalypse and I knew not everyone would understand what I had done.

Like Carol had said, I found towels and toiletries in the cupboard and I tried keeping my shower short but it took a while until the water swirling down the drain was no longer tinged pink, there was more blood in my hair than I had been aware off. I had avoided looking in the mirror before stepping underneath the warm spray, not wanting to see my no doubt frightening reflection but when I finally got out and wiped away the steam from the mirror, I wasn't sure if I really looked any better.

The bags underneath my gray eyes were pretty dark, not helped by the fact that I was pale as a ghost, though that was always the case. All in all, I looked as tired and exhausted as I felt and with a weary sigh, I wrapped a towel around myself and picked up my dirty clothes, now that I wasn't wearing them anymore, I definitely noticed the smell and it made me grimace.

That was certainly not something I was going to get used to, even if I might not have a choice in the matter and I was about to exit the bathroom when there was a knock on the door and Carol called out to me.

“I put your new clothes on the bed in the bedroom next door. I'll be in the kitchen.” Calling out an affirmative, I waited until her footsteps died off before exiting the bathroom, placing my old clothes next to the door before entering the room next to it. A pile of folded laundry rested on the bed and thankfully it also contained underwear, even if the bra was a little on the small side.

I didn't have a lot going for me in the looks department, not that I was ugly or anything, just more on the plain side, but mother nature had more than made up for that by gifting me with more chest than strictly necessary. Unfortunately, the same could be said for my hips and ass which would be fine if I would have been taller than an eighth grader which I of course was not.

The shirt and pants Carol had brought fit perfectly on the other hand, not too small and just on this side of too big, exactly the way I liked it. She had also had the foresight to leave some fresh bandages for my feet and after taking care of that as well, I made my way back downstairs, finding my hostess in the kitchen just as she had said.

“Thanks for the clothes and bandages. And for the shower, I appreciate it,” I said by way of greeting and Carol waved me off, gesturing for me to sit down at the kitchen island.

“Don't mention it. Take a seat, I made you a sandwich.” Doing as I was told, I slid onto a chair just as she slid over a plate, containing what looked to be a PB&J but I made no move to grab it, not feeling particularly hungry. I was still processing and that didn't help with building up an appetite.

“You might not want to eat at the moment, but you should. Your body needs the energy even if your brain tells you otherwise.” Carol pushed the plate further towards me, giving me a look that brokered no argument, as did her tone and with a defeated slump of my shoulders, I picked up the bread and took a bite, chewing slowly as I watched her putter around the kitchen, wiping down already clean counters and busying herself with nothing.

Swallowing my bite, I put the sandwich down again and folded my hands in my lap. Clearly there was something on the woman's mind because I hoped she wasn't trying to pretend to be the helpless little lady with me, that would have been just insulting.

“Wanna talk about it?” My question made her stop and she slowly turned around, struggling with something for a moment as she contemplated me silently. Whatever it was, she seemed reluctant to talk about it and in turn it made me anxious because it was kind of freaking me out how serious she had become.

“When you said attacking the Saviors first would lead to disaster, what exactly did you mean? You never specified what would happen,” Carol finally said and I deflated, looking down at my folded hands. I didn't want to answer that, wasn't sure if I should to begin with because what if me telling them their future would turn out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy like it almost always did in movies and literature? On the other hand, there had to be a reason I was here and if it wasn't to warn them, then what else would it be?

“If you were to go through with it, Denise would die, then Abraham and Glenn and as the fight would escalate further and further, Spencer, Olivia, Sasha, Eric, Tobin... Carl. Their deaths will all be connected to that first attack on the saviors outpost. That attack would do nothing but put you on their radar and they are so much better prepared. I know you made a deal with Hilltop to get back their people, but you have to tread carefully here, you can't just go in guns blazing.”

I might have gotten a little heated, gesticulating with my hands, but in my defense, I really didn't want any of them to die, not like they had in the show which was the main reason I hadn't continued watching after season seven. Carol looked a little pale around the nose, getting told that people you cared about would die if you did a certain thing was surely not nice to hear.

“You should talk to Rick about this, he needs to know. Even if we can't go in guns blazing as you said, we still need to get those people from Hilltop out or our deal falls through and we need what they can offer. It will still be some time before our own gardens yield any results.” I knew that of course, well kinda, and I was beginning to see that not attacking the outpost in some way might not be possible.

Carol left once more to get Rick, telling me to stay put and when she returned with him and Michonne, I told them what I had told Carol and it clearly unnerved them to hear about who was going to die. Rick said pretty much the same as Carol had, that they had to get the Hilltop people out for their deal to go through and I suggested the idea he had had in the series about using a walker head, pretending it was Gregory's, to fool the guards at the outpost into letting them in.

The guards had to die, there was no way around it but I also suggested that they should try and cut off the Saviors communication, that way they had to send someone back to the Sanctuary and that person could potentially be tracked down to find out where the Saviors headquarters actually was.

I had no clue how feasible that plan would be, I was just an office worker with no military background or anything but Rick seemed to be impressed by my thinking, telling me it was a good idea. Getting complimented on my ideas by Rick fucking Grimes was amazing and I couldn't keep the stupid grin off my face, though I tried tamping it down, seeing as this was a serious situation and all.

It could've been just my imagination, but I got the impression that both Rick and Michonne were much warmer towards me than they had been before and after they had left again, I addressed it with Carol.

“You told them, didn't you? About my husband?” I kept any hint of accusation out of my tone, it was a risk I had willingly committed to and even if I was worried about the reaction I would get, I had anticipated Carol wouldn't keep that to herself.

“I did. It is as you said, trust is a two way street and we can not trust you if we don't know who you are. And in case you were worried, no one thinks that what you did was wrong. Well, Morgan and father Gabriel might but I'm sure you would have expected that.” I nodded thoughtfully, not bothering to say anything else, because what was there to say?

Since walking wasn't really in the cards, I stayed inside the house and the rest of the day was uneventful compared to what had already transpired, Eugene came by for a while, talking my ear off about dimensional travel and its probabilities until I told him that I didn't understand the half of what he was babbling which made him shut up and leave shortly after. That left me alone with Carol and it turned out we got along splendidly, telling her about my husband and showing her the evidence of his abuse had apparently made her warm up considerably and it was actually quite nice.

Although I tried to deny it most of the time, I was pretty lonely, ever since making myself into a widow, I had isolated myself, no friends to speak of if you discounted the people I worked with, with whom I had never spend time outside of work. It wasn't as if I was afraid of letting anyone close, well maybe a little, it was more that I just preferred to be alone though maybe that wasn't as true as I had thought it to be.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, after a night of fitful sleep and a small breakfast, I was introduced to Jesus who surprisingly had no trouble believing that I basically was from another dimension. I had told him without Rick's consent, knowing that he would play a big role in the future. I didn't tell Andy though, the other guy from Hilltop, because it was best to keep it inside the inner circle, who knew what might happen if other people got wind of this.

I was flattered that Rick wanted me to join the battle meeting, not that I was of much help, but it gave me the opportunity to make the suggestions I had already made to Rick, which seemed to appeal to the others as well. If I kept going like that, I would actually become a member of the group and wasn't that just an interesting thought.

Also one that made my stomach churn because on the one hand I would love to be part of the family so to speak, they were so tight-knit and cared so deeply for each other, who wouldn't want to be part of that? But there was also the fact that I had no idea how long I would be here for and what if I build myself a life, maybe even a happy one only for it to be ripped away just as suddenly as I had been ripped out of my old one?

That thought kept buggering me the rest of the day, not aided by the nerves after the group had left for the outpost and if my feet would have allowed it, I would have most likely paced like a caged tiger. As it was however, I could do nothing but sit and it was driving me nuts, the uncertainty about everything making my skin itch as if it was too small for my body.

I made it through two hours of this before I finally gave up and went outside, not caring if my fucking feet hurt because if I didn't do something, I would lose my damn mind. Most of the people I had met yesterday had gone with Rick to the outpost, but I ran into Morgan who was apparently building a prison cell in one of the basements and I offered to help since it gave me something to do.

We worked quietly for the most part, me handing him whatever he needed but I could tell that there was something on his mind and if I had to guess, I'd say it was about my husband so I decided to share something else with him.

“Both my parents died when I was really young and my grandfather was the one who raised me after that. He was a vet and a hunter and he taught me that taking another life, no matter if human or not, should never be taken lightly. The only reason for killing should be survival, not convenience or revenge and never out of anger or hatred. He was a firm believer that most people could be redeemed but he also knew that some could not and my husband was one of those latter ones.” At that, Morgan looked at me over his shoulder, cementing my suspicion that he already knew about Duncan and what I did to him but before he could interject, I soldiered on.

“I did not kill him out of hatred or anger but because I knew he would kill me if I didn't take action. I understand that after everything you went through, you are reluctant to take another life and for the most part I agree with your stance on rehabilitation, but sometimes, that is not possible. Just because you managed to come back doesn't mean everyone can do the same. Some people are just wired the wrong way and will never change and some people are just too far gone already to ever return to what they were before. I'm not telling you this because I want to change your mind on the subject, that is neither my place nor my job, I just want to explain my own views to you so you might gain a better understanding of who I am.”

Putting down the brick he had been holding, he turned completely and sat down on the ground, prompting me to follow suit. He remained quiet for another long moment, before he began speaking and I could tell he was struggling emotionally, his face like an open book.

“I do understand the necessity of killing to survive, the world is a very different place from what is was before. But it is very easy to lose yourself in that kind of thinking, to find excuses and justifications for taking others lives. Killing changes you and it changed me in a way I don't ever wish to go back to. I know that most that have survived the outside do not agree with me on my no-killing stance but it is what is best for me and I believe it would also be beneficial for the future. If we keep killing each other instead of finding other ways to solve our issues, we will never be able to build a good and just society. To kill should only be a last resort when all else has failed and even then we should rather try again and again. You say there are people that can not be redeemed, but I believe that we shouldn't give up trying just because it is hard. It might take two years or it might take twenty but in the end, a life will be saved instead of meaninglessly lost. It should not be our place to decided who gets to live and who does not.”

Morgan had clearly put a lot of thought into this and I definitely understood where he was coming from, but our philosophical differences were clear. I agreed that killing should only ever be a last resort and the way society had worked in the past, rehabilitation was feasible because the resources for it had been there. Now however? Not so much.

“You are right, it shouldn't be. In a perfect world, nobody ever kills anyone but that world only exists in our heads because it is simply not possible, not without entirely eradicating thousands and thousands of years of human history and nature from everyone’s minds. What you want, what you envision is going to take a very, very long time to come to fruition and its only going to be possible with enough support and resources. Both of which you are lacking at the moment and will be for some time. But that's not to say it will stay that way forever, someone has to be the first, that's how it always starts after all. The timing is just a little unfortunate I think,” I concluded with a small smile and Morgan nodded thoughtfully, his eyes flitting around the room as he seemed to process what I had said. The tangent I had gone on wasn't my intention but as I mentioned before, I had lived kind of isolated the past years and didn't have much opportunity for conversations of this kind.

“You might be right about that. And it will take a long time, of that I have no doubt. Just as building this cell will take if we don't get to it.” Morgan joked, gifting me with a smile and I let out a chuckle as I copied him by standing up as well, brushing the dust off my pants.

“Well played, old man, well played,” I joked back and he raised his brows at me, clearly amused by me calling him old before he shook his head with a lopsided half-smile, getting back to work.

We spend most of the day in that basement as the cell took on more and more form and though my feet were burning, I enjoyed myself. Morgan was not very talkative but the silence never felt awkward like one would expect, instead it felt comfortable, companionable. I tried not to think about it too hard or lest my efforts to distract myself would have been for naught but from the looks Morgan threw me from time to time, I wasn't entirely successful in that.

He didn't ask though, which I appreciated because I wasn't ready to talk about it just yet, pretty certain that I would start crying like a baby and that was not something I wanted. Crying itself I found horrible, but crying in front of someone else? Absolute nightmare fodder for me. And yes, I knew that crying supposedly was good for the soul or something like that, but you go crying yourself to sleep every night for six years and a half and then tell me how you feel about the subject.

In my experience, tears got you nothing at best and more pain at worst. Which was not to say I was a stone cold bitch who never cried, I just absolutely hated it whenever it happened and I had become very good at stopping the waterworks as soon as they started. But the darker it got outside, the harder it became to keep distracted and at some point I had to excuse myself and return to the house, where I went straight to the guest bedroom, locked the door and sat down on the bed.

Then the tears came and there was no stopping them this time, they just kept coming and coming, the weight of my situation crushing down on me with a sudden heaviness that pressed all the air out of my lungs. I felt trapped, but I wasn't sure if it was because I wanted to return home but couldn't or if I was afraid of being returned at all.

In little more than two days, I had had more meaningful human interaction than I had had in the last ten years, counting the six with my husband and the four after. Which was sad in and of itself but it also scared me half to death that I felt much more comfortable around people that weren't real so to speak than I had felt back at home with the way I had lived.

I didn't know how long I cried, but I must've fallen asleep at some point because when my awareness returned, I was lying sideways on the bed, curled in on myself and barely able to open my eyes because they were still swollen. It took me a moment to gather myself and notice that it was no longer dark outside and that I had woken because I had heard the front door open.

With a jolt, I shot out of the bed and stumbled towards the door, ripping it open a little too quickly and nearly falling on my ass. Righting myself, I hurried through the hallway and down the stairs, stopping in the middle when I noticed Carol standing in the entryway, staring off into space.

There was no need to ask what had happened, by her lost expression alone I could tell that what had went down in the show, had went down again in some form, which meant nothing good for the future. Not wanting to intrude since I doubted she would appreciate a stranger trying to comfort her, I retreated back up the stairs and into the bedroom, closing the door behind me.

Leaning my forehead against the cool wood, I closed my eyes and tried tamping down the panic I was feeling. Me warning them had done nothing to prevent what was supposed to happen and it meant that Negan wasn't far off and more people were about to die. Our only option now was to prepare ourselves for what was to come and hope for the best.

And yes, I included myself in this because there was no reason for me to assume I was going to get out of this anytime soon and it was time to accept that so I could move forward and become ready for the world I was currently living in.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next few days, I learned that the mission had gone according to plan at first but they had been spotted by a third guard that shouldn't have been there, who had sounded the alarm and things had panned out much the same way I already knew with the exception that no one was killed in their sleep. I had spoken to Rick about preparing every able bodied person in the community to fight, but he had told me that he wanted to wait as to not concern them which I could understand but still disagreed with.

But in the end, it was his decision to make, seeing as he was the leader though I could convince him to stash guns outside Alexandria's walls like they had done back at Terminus, just in case everything would happen as it had in the show and Negan would take all their weapons. I spend a whole day falsifying the records so that anyone who would look wouldn't know the guns we had hidden even existed. Olivia was nice enough to help me which had been a good thing or else it would've taken even longer.

I had also started training with Morgan, despite Denise urging me to give my feet some rest. Learning how to defend myself was more important than hurting feet and it was time for the spoiled things to get with the program anyway. A little toughening up would do them some good as it would do me. Hopefully.

Carol had become distant and I knew it would only be a matter of time before she was gone but I could hardly stop her or force her to stay. It seemed as if certain things just needed to happen and I hoped that that didn't mean all the things because that would suck big time. Without meaning to, I had become part of the group, after the outpost, people came to talk to me, asking what was going to happen next and that led to conversations about other stuff and so on and so forth.

That was not to say I got along with everyone, Eugene was pretty irritating even if he was kind of charming in a very strange way and I didn't talk all that much to either Sasha or Abraham, since I had bonded most with Rosita and it was kind of weird seeing as her and Abraham had just broken up and I knew he would end up with Sasha soon.

Not that I told my new friend that of course. It was odd for me how well we got along because to be honest, she hadn't been a character I particularly liked all that much, but interacting with her, I kinda enjoyed her sharp tongue and no-nonsense attitude.

She also showed me how to use a knife on a person and how to use a gun, explaining the importance of the right stance and position of the fingers and all that. Since we couldn't practice shooting inside the community and Rick didn't want me to go outside, telling me I wasn't ready, I had to content with the theoretical side of things, at least for now.

Because of this, I had asked Daryl if he might be willing to show me how to use a crossbow but there had only been one extremely awkward lesson and neither of us mentioned it again. He had been so intently focused on not touching me in any way that it would've been almost comical if it hadn't been so weird and we had kind of avoided each other since. I wasn't sure what his problem was, but I also didn't ask because I was pretty sure I wouldn't receive an answer either way.

Rosita bluntly told me that she believed he was interested in me when I had told her about the incident to which I had scoffed incredulously and told her to shut the fuck up. Not that she had. Tough love was definitely her thing and attention starved as I was, I didn't mind because I mercilessly teased her about Spencer whenever we were alone.

In the two weeks that passed after the outpost, I had begun to develop a routine of eating breakfast with Carol and Tobin, then join Carol on the porch as she smoked a cigarette while I waited for Morgan to finish his own training so we could start mine. After that, I would usually either join Rosita on patrols or help Maggie in the gardens, being invited over for lunch when I chose to do the latter or just eating a snack on the go when I chose to do the former.

The day would continue pretty much the same, helping out around the community and such until it would get dark. Not wanting to intrude more than I already was, I had begun to sit by the lake in the evenings to give Carol and Tobin some alone time after dinner, but to be fair, I also needed some alone time for myself.

Being around people all the time was certainly nice but it was also draining and I was kind of glad that Rosita tended to spend her evenings rolling around the bed with Spencer and didn't want to hang out. As soon as the sun would be gone from the sky, Alexandria grew silent, nature taking over the soundscape and it was nice to listen to it whilst enjoying the crisp evening air, especially since no one tended to come here at this time of day.

But all good things needed to come to an end at one point or the other because as I was sitting in my usual spot, I heard movement from behind me and a peek over my shoulder revealed a certain crossbow wielder approaching. It wasn't so dark that he wouldn't see me, so I stayed where I was and turned my head back around, pretending to be more interested in looking out over the water and not tensing in anticipation of more awkwardness.

Wordlessly, he sat down next to me, mirroring my cross-legged position and I saw him glancing at me from the corner of my eyes a few times as he nervously fiddled with the grass beneath us. He didn't say anything and I chose to remain silent as well though after that went on for several minutes, I was beginning to get anxious.

“I wanna apologize for bein' all weird with the crossbow that one time. Didna mean ta come off like a nutcase or nothing,” Daryl finally broke the silence and not having expected an apology, I blinked at him in surprise before I huffed out a chuckle, dismissively waving my hand.

“Don't worry about it man, water under the bridge. It was definitely weird but its fine, I took no offense or anything. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to touch a stranger, though you could have just said no in the first place,” I jokingly admonished him and I made sure to smile to let him know there were no hard feelings on my end but he wouldn't look at me, his shoulders drawn up almost to his ears.

“S'not that. Carol told me what happened with that husband o' yours and I wasn't sure how you would react to a stranger pawing at ya. But I seen ya walking around being all friendly with everyone and lettin' them touch ya and all and I felt like an idiot for making such a big deal outta it.” He shrugged, still not meeting my eyes and I stilled his hand ripping out pieces of grass with my own, prompting him to freeze and glance at me but I kept my hand where it was.

“I appreciate that you were so concerned over my well being but next time, just come and talk to me. I know its not your strong suit, but as you can see I'm not mad, neither about the way you handled things nor about your assumptions, wrong as they were. And now that we got that out of the way, maybe you can actually show me how to use a crossbow because I didn't learn jackshit about that the last time we tried.” I gave him a bright smile which he saw this time and he tentatively returned it as I gave his hand a small squeeze and then let go.

“Ay, we can do that. How bout tomorrow? Round noon or somethin?” Daryl suggested and I agreed, eager to learn a new skill. He left shortly after that, wishing me a good night and I stayed for a little while longer until I felt it was late enough for Tobin to have gone to sleep.

I found Carol sitting on the porch swing, smoking a cigarette and she wordlessly handed me one when I made a grabbing motion with my hand. Not a habit I indulged in often, but from time to time it was pretty nice when I felt stressed or anxious.

“I'm going to miss you,” I said quietly, taking a drag from my cigarette and the woman next to me let out a humorless chuckle, keeping her eyes straight forward.

“You know, I tried not to care about you as well, knowing that I would have to leave eventually, but you made that very hard. I'm going to miss you too and I'm glad that you have found your place here, made new friends. You were so lonely when you first got here but look at you now, surrounded by people who care for you and your for them. Don't look so surprised, you didn't need to tell me you were lonely for me to notice that,” Carol added with a small smirk when she noted my face fall and I sheepishly averted my gaze, huffing through my nose before taking another drag.

“Is it weird that I feel more at home here than I ever did anywhere else? Even with knowing how dangerous this world is. I still expect to wake up in my apartment each morning, only to be relieved when I wake up here.” I let out a mirthless chuckle myself and Carol pulled me into a quick side-hug, pressing a kiss on top of my head before she let go again and stood up.

“Maybe that's why you ended up here, because this is where you belong. It certainly seems that way to me and Rick mentioned something similar the other day. There's nothing weird about you feeling the way you do. Just enjoy it.” With that, she shot me another small smile and went back inside, leaving me to my own thoughts and probably to avoid any tears. I stayed on the porch only a little while longer before I went back inside myself and straight to bed, falling into a restless sleep.

* * *

The next morning when I woke, later than usual since I had slept terribly, both Tobin and Carol were already gone and I hoped not only the former would return tonight. Not feeling particularly sociable that morning, already having missed my training with Morgan, I stayed in but then remembered my encounter with Daryl last night and the plans we made so I reluctantly left the house two hours after having woken up.

Unable to find Daryl anywhere, I ventured to the gate and asked Spencer if he had seen Daryl, something niggling at the back of my mind and when Spencer told me that Denise, Rosita and Daryl had left some time ago on a run, I remembered what would happen if I didn't find a way to stop it.

Instead of going to Rick and telling him about the impending danger, I managed to convince Spencer to let me take one of the cars and also talked him out of a knife, but I was smart enough to urge him to tell Rick why and where I had gone before I took off. I had no idea if I would make it in time, but at least Spencer pointed me in the right direction and I cursed under my breath when I spotted the car parked in front of a fallen tree. Rolling to a stop, I killed the engine and took in several huge breaths, trying to calm down my racing heart because I knew I had to get out of the car and I felt nowhere ready.

But I gritted my teeth and mentally put on my big girl pants, ignoring how my hands were shaking as I removed the keys from the ignition and opened the door. Knowing I would puss out if I procrastinated any longer, I quickly got out and slammed the door shut again, wincing at the loud sound and worriedly eyeing the surrounding trees, hoping that there weren't any dead people lurking around that might have heard.

When all remained quiet, I exhaled the breath I had been holding and started following the tracks, breaking out into a light jog and soon into a light sweat that got heavier the longer I kept up my pace. I was hyper aware of my surroundings, keeping my ears and eyes open, not only for zombies but also for my friends and when I spotted several abandoned cars in the distance, my feet immediately began moving faster just as three figures appeared on the tracks.

Knowing that time was running out, I felt a rush of adrenaline that enabled me to run faster than I had probably ever run in my life and if I would've had any breath left, I would've called out to them to get the fuck down but I focused all my energy on pumping my legs. The three were so caught up in their argument, that they didn't even see me barreling towards them but at the last moment, Daryl turned his head and I wildly gestured to the side, hoping he would get that they were in danger.

Thankfully he got what I was going for, lifting his weapon as I body-slammed into Denise, feeling a sharp pain in my ear before we hit the ground. Rolling off of the blonde, I scrambled to my feet and helped her up as well, panting heavily as several men came out of the forest, their guns pointed at us.

I recognized Dwight of course, as did Daryl, reluctantly lowering his gun as the scarred man told him to, a scared looking Eugene kneeling at Dwight's feet leaving both him and Rosita no choice but to comply. Denise gently touched my shoulder, gesturing to my ear and lifting my hand to touch it, it came back red. Apparently the arrow that had been meant for her had taken part of my ear instead but it was a small price to pay for saving someones life, so I simply shrugged my shoulders.

We were relieved of our weapons as Dwight kept taunting Daryl, glancing over at me as he informed us jovially he was still trying to get the hang of his weapon which I knew had belonged to Daryl at one point, alluding to the fact that he hadn't meant to shoot at Denise.

“Sorry for the ear, darlin. But you might've saved you friends life, so there is that,” Dwight addressed me directly with a smirk and I kept my expression blank as I tilted my head to the side, looking him up and down, though I only did that to make eye contact with Eugene, motioning with my eyes to his left where I knew Abraham would be hiding before meeting Dwight's smug gaze again.

“Yes, there is that. Was there something else you wanted besides mutilation?” I of course knew what he wanted, but I needed to give Abraham time to get into position and hope that like in the series, Eugene would play his part. Dwight didn't seem too impressed with my snark, the smirk slightly dropping from his face.

“I don't think I caught your name. I'm Dwight, or D, whichever one you prefer. And you are?” The patronizing tone he used made my teeth ache and I adopted a sugary sweet smile in response.

“My name is none of your fucking business, Dwight or D. What is it that you want from us?” That part would have usually happened between Rosita and him, sort of at least, but since I had managed to save Denise, things apparently played out differently.

“Well, then I will just have to keep calling you darlin, wont I? And it's not what I want. It's what you are going to do. You're going to let us into your little complex. It looks like it's just beautiful in there. And then you're going to let us take whatever and whoever we want... or we blow Eugene's brains out. And then yours. And then yours. And then his,” Dwight motioned from Rosita, to Denise and then to Daryl, passing over me entirely which I didn't take as a good sign. I definitely preferred getting shot in the head over whatever he might have in mind for me.

“I hope it doesn't come to that, really. Nobody else has to die. We just try and start with one. You know... maximum impact to get our point across. So what's it gonna be? You tell me.” He gave us all a pointed look, lingering a moment longer on my face and I narrowed my eyes at him, prompting him to grin rather nastily at me.

“You wanna kill someone, you start with our companion hiding over there behind the oil barrels. He's a first-class a-hole and he deserves it so much more than us four. Go check it out,” Eugene piped up and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling, readying myself for what was about to come.

It didn't take long for all hell to break lose as one of the saviors checked out the barrels and Abraham opened fire from an entirely different spot. If I hadn't been trying to stay alive, I might have laughed as Eugene bit down on Dwight's crotch, but I was a little busy dodging bullets as I pulled Denise behind one of the cars.

Huddling together we kept our heads down as the gunfire echoed through the air and I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard Dwight tell his men to fall back, holding back Denise to poke my own head out and look if the coast was clear before I gave her the okay to move.

She hurried over to Eugene and Rosita who was putting pressure on the gunshot wound Eugene had received and I joined her and the others waving off Daryl who tried to take a look at my ear. With four people to help, we carried a bleeding and unconscious Eugene back to the cars and it turned out to be a good thing that I had followed because we could place him in the backseat of the car I had come in instead of having to put him in the bed of the trunk of the other car.

He might be unconscious, but that didn't mean he had to be uncomfortable. Denise went in the back as well, keeping pressure on his wound, Abraham and Rosita taking the front with the big ginger behind the wheel, leaving me and Daryl to take the truck. Letting him do us the honor of driving, I slumped into the passenger seat, the adrenaline I had been running on for the last hour or so draining out of me all at once, letting me feel the injury to my right ear, or what was left of it anyway.

Not saying a word, Daryl started the car, turning it around so we could follow the others and despite the pain, the gentle motion of the vehicle slowly lulled me into, not sleep, more like a trance. Or maybe I was in shock which was also a very good possibility.

“What would've happened if ya hadn't shown up?” Daryl's gruff voice interrupted my nice not sleep and lazily rolling my head to the side so I could look at him, I quirked one brow and pointed at my eye.

“Arrow right through here. Dwight would've killed her with that shot if I hadn't made it in time. Good thing Spencer let me out because I don't think Rick would have been able to catch up with you if I had stayed to explain the situation to him. We should definitely mention how close it was so he won't be too mad about it. You know since I'm technically not allowed to leave the safety of the walls and all that,” I drawled out and Daryl snorted as he shot me a look, motioning towards his ear.

“I think he will see that for himself. Half your damn ear is missing, girl.” For some reason, I found that to be excessively funny and I started to giggle before it turned into out right laughter that went on for quite a while. Daryl looked torn between wanting to join in and worry I had lost my mind, his lips twitching but a crease between his brows as he kept glancing at me.

“M'sorry. I think I'm having some weird psychological reaction or some shit,” I managed to wheeze out before dissolving into another fit of laughter but after that had past, several long minutes later, it seemed to be over and I wiped my eyes, taking a huge breath as I slumped back in my seat.

“Feeling better?” Daryl asked me dryly and I shot him a dirty look when the question made me snort, not wanting to experience another fit, two were kinda enough for one day. Or week. Hell, even month.

“Don't make me laugh again Dixon. But to answer your question, yes actually, I do. Apparently I needed a good laugh though I can't really tell you why that was so funny. I mean, it does hurt like a motherfucker but it isn't as if this would be my first rodeo with an injury that left behind a mark. And I got it while saving a life so regardless how it makes me look to others, that's what I will always think of when I look in the mirror now. Sounds kinda cool when you say it like that,” I mused thoughtfully, having gone off on another tangent and my companion shot me an amused look, shaking his head as he returned his attention to the road.

“Anyone ever tell ya, ya talk too much?” Rolling my eyes at him, I playfully boxed his arm, absentmindedly noting how hard his bicep felt underneath my knuckles but I quickly pushed that thought away again.

“Anyone ever tell you, you talk too little? Seems like we complement each other in that regard, don't we?” I joked lightly and Daryl gave me an unimpressed look that clearly told me he believed otherwise but it was a little ruined by the lopsided smile he couldn't seem to keep off of his face.


	4. Chapter 4

Eugene's wound turned out to be just a graze, easily fixed up but the antibiotics Denise and the others had gotten from the pharmacy were definitely going to help stave of any infection he might have gotten. He still hadn't woken up though but it was just a matter of time.

In that time, after she had patched up the community genius, Denise ordered me to sit down in a chair so she could take a look at my ear. The bleeding had stopped, but the blood had coagulated, making my hair stick to it in places and the process of removing said hair from the wound wasn't a very enjoyable one.

“You saved my life today. Twice. And I am very thankful for that so please don't take this the wrong way, but how the fuck did you know?” Denise asked me and I hissed in response when she removed the last strand of hair from the remnants of my ear. Glancing over at Daryl who was standing by the window, I raised my brow in silent question, unsure if I was allowed to tell her or not and he shrugged one shoulder before looking outside again, leaving the choice to me.

“Well, you could say I'm a clairvoyant in an abstract sense. It's really hard to explain and would also take a while. SHIT!” Trying not to flinch as Denise began dabbing at the torn flesh on the right side of my head I screamed out the last word, caught by surprise because it was really painful.

“Sorry, but I have to clean it first. The ear contains a lot of nerves and this is going to hurt.” The warning came a little late, but taking in a deep breath, I nodded, gritting my teeth against the pain as Denise cleaned the wound.

At least that way I didn't need to talk and once Abraham returned telling us that Rick was on his way, Eugene chose that moment to wake up, drawing Denise's attention away from me. Though the look that she gave me after she had finished bandaging me up, stated clearly that she wasn't done with the topic just yet.

Abraham shared a nice moment with Eugene like they had in the show and Rosita came over to me, giving me a once over, her arms crossed over her chest.

“You could have gotten yourself killed, you know that right?” Tiredly rubbing my face with one hand, I smiled ruefully and shrugged my shoulders.

“Who do you think is more important for this community, me or a doctor? Sure I could've died and that would've sucked but I didn't. You can just admit you were scared for me you know. Give me a hug or something, show me that you care. Like a...” I was cut off mid-sentence by a surprise hug that lasted only a fraction of a second and Rosita immediately walked away after, not saying another word.

“Normal person,” I finished my sentence, calling it out after her and she showed me the finger over her shoulder as she took side on Eugene's bed. Chuckling, I heaved myself off the chair about to go over to the wounded guy myself but Rick came in, his worried expression turning to confusion when his eyes fell on me.

“What are you doing here?”

It was my turn to be confused now and I furrowed my brows, “What do you mean? I told Spencer to tell you I left to go after Daryl, Denise and Rosita. It would've taken too long to wait for anyone else so I went on my own instead. Barely made it in time. See? Lost half my ear,” I pointed at my bandaged head, hearing Daryl snort behind me and Rick blinked at me for a moment, clearly at a loss over what to say before he shook his head as if to clear his mind.

“We're going to talk about that later, first I wanna know what happened,” he demanded and I left the field to the others, slinking into the background since I had only been there for part of the story.

When it came to the part where I had barreled into Denise, Rick shot me a quick look but didn't interrupt the story, the worry on his face returning as he was told about the Saviors that had attacked us and what they had wanted and definitely still wanted.

“What is going to happen next?” The question was directed at me and I hesitated for a moment, glancing at Denise who appeared less surprised by Rick's question than one would expect.

“I'm honestly not too sure. I changed the outcome of today and have no idea how that is going to impact the future. There is one thing though, Maggie might to need to go to Hilltop to see Dr. Carson but the Saviors will be blocking the roads.” At that everyone began to look very uncomfortable, exchanging worried glances so I quickly assured them that everything would be fine with mother and child before I ventured another suggestion.

“They don't know that we know about the blockades and I would suggest to send out a car as a distraction and go through the woods, use the last hours of daylight to our advantage. I also would like to go with whoever else will come along because I think me actually being there would make a difference,” I added firmly and Rick rubbed his beard, regarding me thoughtfully, his eyes flitting to my ear and I resisted the urge to touch the bandages, setting my jaw in a determined line.

“I'll go with them. Make sure nothing happens,” Rosita spoke up, her tone brokering no argument and Daryl offered the same in his own way but I drew the line at Abraham wanting to go with us.

“No, you can't go. You and Glenn need to stay here, in Alexandria. You can not under any circumstances leave these walls.” I sounded harsher than I had meant to and the tall ginger was clearly taken aback by my tone but he seemed to get what I was alluding to, giving me a sharp nod.

“Alright. Tessa and I are going to talk to Glenn and Maggie about this and we will reconvene at the armory in,” Rick looked down at his watch, thinking for a second, “fifteen minutes. Eugene, Abraham, we are going to talk later about the ammunition production. Let's go Tessa.” He motioned for me and I hurried over to him, calling a get well soon over my shoulder at Eugene, cringing a little at myself for sounding like a greeting card.

“I'm sorry for not telling you sooner but I had hoped things might turn out different or else I would have said something. Everything that happens from here on out will be anybody's guess so my usefulness in that regard has reached its limits I think. You should definitely prepare everyone though because they will be coming one way or another, at least that I'm still sure of.” I was panting a little, having to keep up with Rick's wide strides and talking at the same time was not a good combination and he stopped with one of his feet already on the porch-step, looking at me over his shoulder.

“You saved someone's life today. Not telling me doesn't change that but it did change the original outcome. When you told us about the outpost it didn't change anything so maybe that's the problem. Maybe you need to be there to prevent things from happening, play an active part in it to change the future, not tell us about what might happen,” he calmly explained to me and I wrinkled my nose in thought, following him up the porch.

“I hadn't thought of it that way but I actually kind of makes sense. Maybe things would have gone differently if I had come with you to the outpost.” Knocking on the door, Rick looked over at me but whatever he had been about to say was cut short when Glenn opened up, his greeting smile falling from his face when he noticed the bandage around my head.

Before he could ask me what had happened, I held up a hand, “There is something we need to discuss.”

* * *

Glenn wasn't too happy as I told him he wasn't allowed to leave the safety of the gates and accompany us, asking me several times if I was sure that the baby would be okay while Maggie remained surprisingly calm, taking everything in stride.

Maggie and I met up at the armory with the others, while Rick went to get Michonne, wanting her to join us which I wasn't sure how to feel about since that was almost the complete group that got first captured by Dwight but I hoped that enough changes had been made to what originally happened that we wouldn't share the same fate.

Rosita helped me put on a holster for a gun, making me recite everything she had told me about shooting one and I was also given another holster for a machete as well as a knife I was to hide in my boots. When Rick returned with Michonne, who had already been brought up to speed, it was decided we shouldn't use the gate but instead climb the wall in case the gate was watched.

Father Gabriel and Sasha would take one of the cars and cruise around for a while, pretending to want to leave and with luck our departure would go unnoticed. The only flaw with that plan however, was that I was deadly afraid of heights and climbing that wall definitely fell under that category.

It took a good talking to from Rosita which basically consisted of her telling me to stop being a pussy and get over myself and I might have wet my panties a little whilst ungracefully scrambling up the wall, but I made it, beaming proudly at Daryl who had gone over first.

Instead of complimenting me on overcoming my fear for the greater good, I only received a raised brow and I rolled my eyes, shaking my head in disappointment. Maggie came over next, followed by Rosita and Michonne and we set out into the surrounding forest, with Daryl at the top, me and Maggie in the middle and Rosita and Michonne bringing up the rear.

There were still a few hours of daylight left and according to Daryl, it would actually be faster to travel this way since it was more direct than having to use the streets, many of them not even passable which meant having to take detours. If we were lucky and wouldn't encounter any obstacles, he estimated we would reach Hilltop tomorrow around noon.

Since we didn't want to draw attention, neither of us spoke as we walked between the trees, the air getting colder as the sun moved further towards the horizon, only coming across one walker which Daryl made short work of with a neat arrow through the skull. About three hours later, we had to stop for the night as it had become too dark to carry on without having to use flashlights and that wasn't possible since we wanted to remain undetected.

Which also meant that we couldn't light a fire to keep ourselves warm during the night. It wasn't that cold at night, but still cold enough that it made me worried for Maggie so I suggested to sleep close to each other to share our body heat. Michonne and Daryl took first shift, me and Rosita the second and the next morning, after a small breakfast, we set out again.

Today would be the day Maggie would faint, at least that had been how it was in the show and I kept a wary eye on her, forcing her to drink water and eat a little more. I wasn't the only one that had noticed how pale she looked, everyone threw worried glances at the pregnant brunette and there was a collective sigh of relief when the gates of Hilltop came into view.

Our journey here had been so uneventful that I couldn't help but wonder when the other shoe was going to drop because this had been much too easy compared to the way things usually went down in the show and that made me very anxious. Daryl approached the gate on his own and after a short conversation with one of the guards and a moment of waiting, they opened and Jesus appeared.

Daryl waved us over and upon handing over Maggie to Jesus, I didn't follow the rest of the group inside, speaking up to gain their attention.

“We need to go back. Maggie should stay here for the time being and we'll find a way to get Glenn here as well. One of us should remain with her however, for protection.” I looked straight at Daryl not wanting to reveal my reasoning because I was beginning to think I maybe shouldn't tell everyone what might happen to them, Rick's words form yesterday still ringing in my ears.

“You sure?” Daryl asked me, clearly not pleased by my request and I nodded, setting my lips in a firm line. He had to stay somewhere safe and since hopefully none of the Saviors knew about our little excursion, no one would come looking for him here.

Maggie chose that moment to faint which made any further discussion on the topic obsolete and after being reminded to be careful, Michonne, Rosita and I set off, returning to the forest. The other two were obviously worried about Maggie and the baby despite my assurances and to be honest, I was a little worried as well. Who knew what else I had changed by saving Denise and bringing Maggie to the Hilltop ahead of schedule?

Just like on the way to Hilltop, things remained much too easy on the way back and after a few hours of silent walking, someone finally broke the silence.

“Why Daryl?” Michonne shot me a sideways glance as she quietly asked that question and I contemplated how to word this best for a moment, my eyes flitting over our surroundings.

“Because I can't have him get captured by the Saviors. And neither can I have either of you captured for that matter. So should we run into any of them on the way back, I will pose a distraction so you can slip past. You have to return to Alexandria and keep the gates closed, ration provisions so they last longer because they will try to force you out by trying to starve you. That's why they blocked the roads I'm assuming. Laying siege. I'm not important to this story, but you two are. Do you understand what I'm saying?” Turning my head, I looked at Michonne and then at Rosita who both wore grim expressions, exchanging a look and I held up my hand, shaking my head vehemently.

“Oh no. No. You cannot come back for me. There is a reason I wanted Daryl to stay behind. You two, him and Glenn were the first ones to get caught by the Saviors. If we really want to change things, we can't let that happen again, so you have to...” I broke off, realizing that I wasn't getting trough to them and I stopped walking, making them stop as well. Leveling both of them with the most serious look I could possibly muster, I decided to remind them what was at stake.

“Glenn will die, Abraham will die. That is what we are talking about here. Are you really willing to risk their lives for some girl you have only known a few weeks? One captive is collateral damage when that captive is me, but capturing you two? That's leverage that will open Alexandria's gates for the enemy. Don't think about me, think about everyone else you need to protect.” That seemed to get my point across, at least I felt it did, so I started walking again, taking the lead this time, more or less remembering the way we had taken here.

“And what about you? Who is going to protect you?” Rosita called out after me and I turned, starting to walk backwards as I raised my brow at her.

“I'm going to protect myself of course,” I proclaimed and naturally that was the exact moment I lost my footing, because newsflash, you can't see where you're going when you don't look, a lesson I should have remembered from my first day here.

With a surprised yelp, I fell backwards but instead of landing on my ass, I kept falling, my shoulder painfully connecting with a root as I rolled down a steep slope I would have no doubt noticed if I had been looking and not walking backwards like a complete moron.

My fall stopped as abruptly as it had begun, though much more painful as the last few feet had me tumbling down from a small acclivity and I landed on my back with a thud, all breath pressed out of my lungs at once, though I was probably lucky that I was wearing a backpack. Gasping, I didn't hear the growls at first over the ringing in my ears but when I did, I noticed several zombies staggering my way and I experienced a moment of sheer terror when I was unable to move at first, my limbs not responding to the orders my brain was giving them.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” I mumbled under my breath, grimacing when the smell hit me and I finally managed to heave myself into an upright position, shakily getting off the ground just as the first rotting corpse came within grabbing distance.

I nearly fell on my ass again as I scrambled backwards, grabbing for the machete on my left hip, only to realize that I must have lost it during my fall, as I had my knife apparently. The gun was still there though and keeping an eye on the still approaching dead, I took it out and disengaged the safety, pointing the barrel at the zombies.

The sounds of gunshots would likely alert more dead in the area and also any humans that might be out here, but I had very little choice seeing as I quite literally had my back against the wall. Hoping for the best, I pulled the trigger, having aimed at the middle of the forehead of the walker closest to me but my aim was a little off and the shot landed in his left eye.

Still close enough as he immediately slumped down, but I had no time to celebrate my first ever kill with a gun because there were quite a few more of those fuckers. No idea how many shots I had but there were seven of them remaining, then five after I fired three more times, one a gigantic miss, whizzing right past an old lady’s head that was missing most of the hair and skin on it.

My heart was pounding so hard, my whole body seemed to shake, my arms already tiring from the exhaustion and recoil of the gun but I grit my teeth and kept at it, taking another two down, needing five shots this time, which left only three zombies. Using the space between them, I pushed myself off the wall and tried to run towards the trees but I had apparently miscalculated, because I was suddenly jerked back by my backpack, having the prudent idea of letting myself fall and slipping my arms out of the straps.

Rolling onto my back, I fired off six more shots, managing to take down another two but the last one left was a very persistent bastard and a close one as well so instead of shooting, I scrambled backwards out of his reach before getting up again. But I needed too long and just as I came up on my feet, the damn thing was on me, his putrid smell hitting me full force from this close, his teeth snapping at my face as I tried holding him off with my arm against his throat.

His hands were clawing at my clothes as he kept pushing me backwards, snarling and growling and I planted my feet on the ground, trying to push back so I could free my hands and shoot the damn thing in his rotting face but naturally that didn't work. Instead I landed on my ass and of course he fell on top of me but at least my gun hand was free again and holding him off with one arm, I placed the barrel underneath his eye, turned my head away and pulled the trigger. The snarling stopped as did the clicking of teeth and ignoring the ringing in my ear and the wetness on one side of my face, I pushed the dead weight off of me with an angry scream, falling spreadeagled back on the ground after.

I was panting heavily, covered in sweat and bits of corpse meat, no doubt also bruised from my fall but I was still running high on adrenaline so whatever pain I might was in didn't yet register. My ear was still ringing from firing a shot so close to my own head but my other ear was perfectly fine and picked up on the sounds of movement coming from behind me.

Inwardly heaving a sigh, I reluctantly rolled over and got on all fours, about to push myself up when my eyes fell on a familiar face that had just came out from behind a tree. Pointing my gun at him, I pulled the trigger, having the barrel aimed at his head but all I got was an empty clicking.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” I groaned out, throwing the gun away and raising my hands as I got up, feeling more pissed off than scared. Dwight seemed to share in my anger, me trying to shoot him point blank didn't seem to go over too well with him and I was a little surprised at myself that that had been my instinctive reaction.

“You know, I thought you were a just a little bitchy before, but this,” he gestured at the gun I had thrown away, not breaking eye contact with me as he came closer and I did not like how unhinged he looked. Or that he was pointing a rifle at me, “this is something else. Maybe I should take the rest of your ear as well, teach you a little lesson.”

The rifle was now pointed directly underneath my chin and he used it to force my head up, smirking down at me as I narrowed my eyes at him, refusing to let myself get baited into reacting. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed more men had come out of the trees, all heavily armed of course and I hoped that Michonne and Rosita would heed my words and get the hell away before they got caught too.

“Or maybe I should just kill you right now,” Dwight kept going, audibly disengaging the safety and pressing the barrel of the rifle more insistently against my chin to the point it dug painfully into my flesh. A nerve beneath my left eye twitched as my irritation grew, still no fear in sight and I gave him a tight smile hoping my eyes conveyed the same ice cold as my voice.

“Why don't you just do that Dwighty-Boy? I'm sure Negan wouldn't mind. It isn't like I'm the only Alexandrian you were able to capture, is it? Because if so, killing me would be really stupid but then again, you do look kind of stupid.” I pursed my lips, looking him up and down as best I could, very closely watching his reaction and since he appeared to get even angrier, it was probably safe to assume I had been correct in my assumptions. Taking a step back, Dwight removed the rifle from my face and engaged the safety, his jaw working as he stared at me, eyes burning with anger.

“I'm going to enjoy breaking you,” he informed me through gritted teeth and I saw completely red, another voice from my past ghosting though my mind, using those exact same words. White hot fury replaced the blood in my veins and unable to stop myself, I jumped him, taking us both to the ground since he had clearly not expected such a violent outburst.

Not giving him time to raise his gun or his fists, I let my own come down on his face, grinning like a maniac when his nose broke with a satisfying crunch beneath my knuckles but my victory was short lived as I was pulled off of Dwight by two other men, their grip around my arms like bands of steel, no amount of struggling helping me to break free again, so I stopped, letting myself get pushed to my knees.

I was still smirking when Dwight got up, clutching at his nose and throwing me the most dirty look I had ever been given which only made me smirk wider, even as he raised the butt of his rifle, my eyes never leaving his.

“Go fuck yourself, Dwight.” Famous last words as pain exploded on the left side of my head and the world disappeared, swallowed by blackness.


	5. Chapter 5

My head hurt like hell when I came to again, as did several other parts of my body, mostly my shoulder and back though it took me a moment to struggle awake enough for me to remember why that was. Groggily blinking my eyes open, I tried to brush a few strands of hair out of my face, my braid apparently having fallen apart and that was when I realized that I was tied up. At that realization I was suddenly wide awake, the white noise in the background crystallizing into male voices, the crackling of a fire and sounds of the forest.

I had to have been out for a while because the sun had set almost completely, which certainly explained the fire. No one had noticed yet that I was awake again and with my heart somewhere in my throat, I lowered my lids and covertly looked around, not moving a muscle otherwise. Not that I really could since my wrists were bound behind my back and my ankles were tied together as well, the knots definitely sturdy enough as to not allow me to free myself.

At least I was the only captive from what I could see which gave me hope that Michonne and Rosita had been able to get away unless they were stupid enough to try and rescue me after I specifically warned them off of that.

“I know you're awake.” The voice startled me so much that I flinched, hitting my head against the tree I was propped up against and I hissed in pain as the world swam before my eyes for a few short seconds.

When everything came back into focus again, I stupidly blinked at the scarred face right in front of me, leaning as far away from him as I could but I couldn't keep the satisfied smirk off my own face when I took note of his swollen nose. His hand shot out to grab my chin, his fingers digging into my skin and my smirk dropped as I gritted my teeth against the pain.

“I might not be able to kill you, but I can still hurt you. And you really make me want to hurt you darlin'. Maybe keep that in mind before you go and smirk at me like that again. Understood?” He hissed at me and when I didn't immediately responded, Dwight tightened his grip on my chin, roughly shaking my head.

“Yes, yes fine, I understand,” I pressed out, the rapid motion making my stomach lurch from the dizziness I was experiencing and I would rather like to avoid smelling of vomit for the foreseeable future. Breathing a sigh of relief when he stopped and let go of my chin, I slumped against the tree and closed my eyes, trying to get the world to stop spinning around me.

“Good. Now I want you to apologize to me for trying to shoot me and then breaking my fucking nose.” Opening my eyes I shot him a look that clearly conveyed what I thought about that idea and his expression darkened as I let out a mirthless snort.

“If empty words mean anything to you, then here you go. I'm so very sorry for trying to shoot you in your ugly mug and for making it look a little bit better by breaking your fucking nose. How was that?” So much for keeping a cool head but the guy really got under my skin with his whole masculinity complex. I already had to deal with this once and I had sworn to myself never again though I could've gone without the backhand I received that made my head spin even more than it had before.

My mouth filled with the metallic tang of my own blood and turning my head back to look at Dwight, I spat a glob straight at his face, hitting the scarred side of it.

“You hit like a girl, Dwighty-Boy. Did it make you feel like a big guy hitting a defenseless and bound woman? I bet it make your tiny little dick twitch, didn't it? Pathetic,” I kept taunting him as he wiped the blood and saliva off his face and the next backhand made me tilt to the left too much, so I landed on my side in the dirt, hitting my head on the ground.

Dazed and bound, I couldn't offer much resistance as I was rolled onto my stomach and Dwight straddled my legs. Grabbing a fistful of my hair, he ground my face into the dirt, leaning close enough so he could hiss in my ear as I tried not to inhale any dust.

“If you don't shut your fucking mouth, I will shove my dick up your ass, how about that? And believe me when I tell you that it isn't small in any way.” To prove his point, he ground himself against my ass, letting me feel how very not small he was and I froze completely, even stopping to breathe.

Noting my shift in mood, Dwight let out a low chuckle, his warm breath fanning across the side of my face and he rolled his hips again, feeling even bigger than before.

“Yeah, that's right darlin'. Seems I have found your weak spot. Not so tough anymore are you now,” he taunted me and unfortunately he was right. I could deal with pain, I didn't like it, but I could handle it. What I could not handle was rape, the few times it had happened to me during my marriage had nearly broken me and I felt myself begin to hyperventilate, accidentally inhaling some dirt, which made me cough.

Dwight was clearly enjoying my distress, staying where he was and nuzzling my hair as he occasionally ground his erection against my ass whilst I had a full blown panic attack, coughing and sputtering as I gasped for breath, my pulse thundering in my ears. A cold sweat had broken out all over my body and I was shaking like a leaf, as I furiously tried blinking away my tears and the black spots dancing in my vision.

Just when I thought I was going to pass out, he finally got off of me and I immediately was able to breathe better again, taking in huge gulping breaths. I didn't struggle as I was lifted back up by my arms, not meeting his eyes as he propped me back up against the trees until he wrenched my head back by my hair, forcing me to look at him. His eyes scanned my face, clearly pleased by what he saw and I could only imagine the picture I was making.

“Apologize.” The demand made me grit my teeth but not wishing for a repeat of what just happened, I swallowed my pride and did as I was asked, though I kept it short, my voice tight. It seemed to be enough for him however and with a smug smirk, he let go of my hair and patted my head like one would do to a dog.

“See, that wasn't so hard, was it. Just think of the things I could do to you and we won't have any more problems.” With those parting words, he left me alone and I stared after him with hate-filled eyes, furious at myself for giving away my weak spot and furious at him because he was a damn asshole. Having half his face burned had apparently also managed to burn some of his brain cells or something because he seemed more unhinged than he had been in the show and he had definitely been an asshole then as well.

Of course I didn't sleep a wink that night, jerking awake each time I accidentally nodded off, always keeping an eye on Dwight and the other men but thankfully I was at least left alone, though Dwight would occasionally glance over at me, smirking when our eyes would meet. It unnerved me greatly and I knew that Negan had a strict anti-rape philosophy, though what he did with his 'wives' definitely fell under that category, plus he wasn't here at the moment and I doubted that any of the other men would come to my rescue should Dwight decide to make a move.

It kept me on edge the whole time, only adding to the already bone deep exhaustion I felt and when morning came around, I was running on fumes. The ropes on my ankles were taken off so I could walk and instead fastened to the ones around my wrist, creating a kind of leash. Dwight was of course the one that held that leash, letting me walk in front of him and never letting me forget the rifle pointed at my back by shoving it into my spine every now and then.

I was almost hoping we would run into a herd or something, anything to distract them from me and give me a chance to run but after about two hours of nothing happening, we came out of the forest and stepped onto a road, the trucks parked a few feet away making my stomach drop. Once I was loaded into a car, escape would become neigh impossible, but then again, it already was because I might be able to take down eight zombies on my own, barely, but I highly doubted I would be able to do the same with six grown and armed men with my hands tied behind my back.

Without meaning to, my feet slowed down but a harsh poke to my back kept me going, my dread growing exponentially with each step closer to the vehicle. Jerking on my rope, Dwight made me stop, being gracious enough to reach past me to open the backdoor for me and when I made no move to enter the car, he heaved out a sigh.

“Fine, have it your way then.” Before I could so much as turn to look at him, something hard connected with the back of my head and I was faintly wondering how many more blows to the head I could take before it would lead to permanent brain-damage before I lost consciousness.

* * *

Waking up after having been knocked out was starting to really piss me off and I was sure that if I didn't have a concussion before I sure as hell had one now, even without opening my eyes everything was spinning.

“Motherfucker,” I groaned out and my eyes flew open when someone chuckled next to me and I was convinced I had gone blind for more seconds than I would like to admit before I figured out that I had been blindfolded.

“Perfect timing, darlin'. We just made it past the gate. Home sweet home.” The slightly nasal voice clearly belonged to Dwight and I sincerely hoped that he was talking about his own home and not mine.

That question was answered after I had been maneuvered out of the car and the blindfold was ripped off my face, making me blink against the bright sunlight but by the not so distant growls and lingering putrid smell in the air I could tell we weren't in Alexandria. Which was proven correct when my eyes finally managed to focus and the familiar view of the Sanctuary greeted me, feeling entirely surreal. Just as it had happened when I had first come to Alexandria, I had an acute case of vertigo for a moment and if it hadn't been for Dwight holding my arm, I would have no doubt fallen on my face.

“Don't pass out on me yet, you have to meet the big boss first,” Dwight joked jovially giving me one of his nasty smirks again and I felt like someone had emptied an aquarium of ice water over my head.

Of course I was going to meet Negan, what had I been thinking? Oh this was really fucking bad. Because as much as I despised him for what he did to Rick and his group, I also found him incredibly hot and not only because of his looks. I always had had a thing for the villains of the story and Negan was definitely the villain in this one, a handsome and charming one at that.

As if summoned by my thoughts, a door slammed open and out came a grinning Negan, Lucille resting easily on his shoulder and when his eyes fell on me, his grin widened. I was pushed down to my knees by Dwight, shooting him a glare over my shoulder before turning my attention back to the leader of the saviors that was sauntering towards us, his eyes now on Dwight as he raised an amused brow.

“What happened to your face, Dwighty-Boy? Looks like someone didn't like the way your ugly mug looked,” Negan joked but before the man in question could respond, I heard myself talking, words spilling out of my mouth as if on their own.

“I didn't. But its a little better now, don't you think?” I stared straight into his eyes, smirking a little as I heard Dwight shift behind me. Not too sure why I had apparently decided to go the route of sassy bad-ass but I was just going to roll with it because Negan seemed to actually like it, letting out a small chuckle.

“Would you look at the balls on this one,” he said to no one in particular, looking around as he lifted Lucille off of his shoulder, staring at me with cold, calculating eyes but still smirking as he tilted my head up with the top of his bat, barbed wire cutting into my skin.

“You and your people caused me a lotta trouble princess and I'm kinda pissed off about that as you can imagine. I get that you don't know me yet so you just have to take my fucking word for it, but I don't enjoy hurting women, especially not pretty ones. But if you keep that shit up, I might be forced to introduce you to my special lady. Feel that?” He dug Lucille tighter into my chin and I felt something warm and wet run down my neck where the barbed wire pierced through my flesh, my anger rising.

“That's Lucille and she is awesome,” I replied through gritted teeth, the fear he clearly wanted to instill in me only managing to piss me off, just like it had happened with Dwight before he had decided to play dirty.

Negan was not happy with my reply and continuous defiance but he was also clearly surprised by it, lowering his bat as he scrutinized me more thoroughly than before, no longer smirking and he heaved out a sigh, shaking his head in mock disappointment.

“That was fucking rude sweetheart and I'm not even sorry about this.” He slapped me across the face with the palm of his hand but it felt like he had hit me with his fist, my head snapping to the side as the world turned dark for a moment.

Working my jaw, I blinked a few times, spitting a glob of blood onto the ground from the reopened cut in my lip and glancing over my shoulder, I gave Dwight a bloody grin.

“See that Dwighty-Boy? That's how a real man hits. Nearly ripped my fucking head off my shoulders.” The blonde was clearly struggling not to lunge at me, the dark look I was given promising nothing good but I ignored him, looking back at Negan who seemed torn between being pissed and amused, pointing his bat at my face.

“You are one tough cookie, I'll give you that. Maybe a few days down in the cells will soften you up a bit,” he gave me a cold smile and then looked behind me, motioning someone over, “Paul, why don't you take our guest down to the basement? I need to have a little chat with Dwight.”

I was grabbed from behind and heaved up by my arm, keeping my face blank as I was led away, though my mind was racing. Not really sure what I was doing by channeling my inner Rosita but to be fair, I hadn't been lying when I had told Carol I wasn't taking any shit from anyone after what had happened with my late husband, though I had had no idea that this would be how I would react to being threatened.

And of course I was prickly because my body had reacted to him in a way that was totally not appropriate for the situation, especially when he had dug the damn bat into my skin. There had been something decidedly primal going on in the lizard part of my brain and I had almost bared my neck in submission if I hadn't been so pissed off.

Lost in my own thoughts, I barely noticed where we were going, the hallways we passed bustling with people who threw us curious looks, whispering amongst themselves. We entered a dimly lit staircase that lead down to the basement and my new guard all but pushed me down the stairs.

“So, Paul right? Could you maybe remove the rope around my wrists? It's not like I'm going to be able to go anywhere once you lock me up and it kinda hurts,” I decided to ask but the man next to me just scoffed, his hold on my arm tightening as he led me further down the basement hallway and around a corner, doors lining one side of the corridor.

Paul had been present during my little outburst back in the forest right after I had killed all those zombies and he clearly thought better than to give me access to my hands it seemed. Definitely more clever than he looked because he reminded me a little of a pig, small, beady eyes, red, sweaty face and a nose that made me want to oink at him. Which I of course didn't because he was also two heads taller than me and at least a hundred pounds heavier and I wasn't that stupid.

Opening the fourth door we passed, Paul unceremoniously shoved me inside and slammed the door shut, the clicking of the lock echoing around the small, dark room with an air of finality. The sound of footsteps quickly faded away and I sunk against the wall across from the door, letting myself slide down to the ground, my legs stretchered out in front of me.

“Well, looks like I'm Daryl. At least I'm not naked,” I sighed out, leaning my head back against the wall, groaning when the music started to play, loudly.

It was the same song as it had been in the show and I actually started to laugh because it felt completely absurd to me to sit here in a cell at the Sanctuary, having to listen to Easy Street over and over again. My laughter was mostly drained out by the music and after I had calmed myself again, I first hummed along and then started to belt out the lyrics, actually having a good time.

There was always a few seconds of silence before the song started over again and I had no idea how many times it had already played, having lost count somewhere around thirty-six when the music cut off mid refrain, but not letting myself get deterred by that, I kept finishing the song on my own, my voice already a little raspy from overuse.

Heavy footfalls came closer, stopping in front of the door, followed by the sounds of keys before the door swung open, revealing the outline of someone because with the light coming from behind it was hard to make out a face. But the stature and hair gave him away easily, so I put on a bright smile.

“Dwighty-Boy, how nice of you to visit me. What brings you to my humble abode on this fine day?” I rasped out sarcastically and my shoulders tensed when he let the door fall shut behind him, shrouding us both in darkness. The only light was coming from the small gap between the door and the floor and I heard more then saw him move, my eyes still adjusting to the new change in brightness so I wasn't fast enough to roll away from him.

Straddling my legs, Dwight took hold of my hair with one hand whilst the other held a knife against my throat, at least I assumed that that was what it was since it was cold and definitely sharp, nicking my skin. The cut was only shallow but I felt a small trickle of blood run down my neck and into my shirt, reminding me of Lucille earlier.

Instead of answering me, he let go of my hair to take something out of his pocket, unexpectedly shoving whatever it was into my mouth and then placing his hand over it, bringing his face so close to mine I could make out the expression on it and it made the fine hairs on my neck and arms raise.

“I'm the one responsible for giving you food and water darlin' and I'm not very inclined to do that with how you just can't stop pissing me off. How long do you think you will make it that way, hmm?” It was a rhetorical question, seeing as I couldn't answer him gagged as I was but I hoped my eyes conveyed how I was feeling and his own narrowed in response so I guessed he had gotten the message.

The knife was removed from my throat and he put it away, taking out another piece of fabric from his pocket which he tied around my head, taking his hand off of my mouth to gag me more effectively before he stood up, smirking at the way I glared up at him.

“You know, it is kind of nice when you can't talk,” he informed me gleefully and I balled my hands into fists behind my back, wanting very badly to pummel his face again. His nose had clearly been righted but there were black marks beneath his eyes and my fingers itched to turn his whole face that color.

“Unfortunately it also means I wont hear your screams, but we can't have everything, can't we?” Dwight smirked widely and my heart jumped in my chest like a scared rabbit when he half-way pulled me up by my hair and then threw me to the ground so I landed on my stomach.

Panic filled me and I tried robbing away but since he wasn't bound and could move freely and there was also nowhere else to go, I didn't get very far before he straddled my legs like he had done in the woods. Unlike last time, I didn't freeze but started trashing around underneath him until he took hold of my hair again and bashed my skull against the concrete floor, not hard enough to knock me out but enough to leave me dazed, stopping my struggle.

I wasn't sure what he was doing at first but when I heard fabric ripping and felt cool air on my arm, I realized that he was cutting off my clothes and I weakly picked up my struggle again, not that it was very effective as he simply continued with what he was doing. Soon enough, both my arms and my back had been relieved of the jacket and shirt I had been wearing but he didn't continue after that, being the one to still this time.

A shudder of revulsion went through me when I felt him lightly trace the scars on my back with his fingertips and I let out an honest to god growl through the fabric in my mouth. Who knew what kind of sick ideas he might get about me. I expected him to comment, to taunt me about my own mutilated skin so I was surprised when he moved off of me but I shouldn't have been because he only did so to roll me over, my cut off clothes staying behind on the floor as my bra-covered chest and bare stomach were exposed to his gaze.

He didn't touch the scars on my stomach but clearly noticed them, not even glancing at my face as he removed my boots and socks and then tugged at my pants. I don't know why, but I put up no resistance, no longer feeling panicked because I could sense that something had shifted in his behavior and it made me believe he wasn't going to do anything sexual anymore if he had ever intended to in the first place.

The silence was heavy and oppressive, seeming to suck all the air out of the small room and left in only my underwear, Dwight helped me up and turned me around, finally cutting the rope around my wrists. Making no move to attack him when he stepped away, I turned around again, rubbing the sore skin as I warily eyed the blonde who still didn't look at me, picking up my clothes from the floor.

Without a word, he exited the cell and locked the door again, his footsteps indicating that he was leaving the way he had come and a few moments later, the music started again as I just stood there like an idiot, blinking at the closed door he had just left through.

What in the hell had that been all about? I could hardly believe that his strange reaction had to do with my scars, I couldn't be the first person he encountered who wore marks on their body but whatever his deal was, I was glad things hadn't escalated.

Since my hands were free again, I removed the gag from my mouth, my tongue feeling dry as sandpaper since the fabric he had stuffed inside had soaked up what little saliva I had produced and I smacked my dry lips with a grimace. My entire body was hurting and looking down at myself, I was sporting several bruises and a glance at my shoulder told me that whatever I had connected with when I had fallen down the ravine had done some nasty damage, the skin almost black in some places.

All in all I was a complete mess and I sunk back to the ground, pulling my knees up and hugging them to my chest to keep warm because it wasn't necessarily very warm down here, which of course was the whole point of taking my clothes. I wasn't really worried about the cold, or the isolation or even the Guantanamo technique they tried to employ with the loud music, this was not my first rodeo with that kind of thing.

My husband had been very fond of locking me up as well, though I usually was completely naked and also bleeding so this was kind of an improvement if I looked at it that way. Closing my eyes, I let my head rest against the wall and exhaustion overtook me, leaving me in a state of limbo where I was only half-aware of what was going on around me, I couldn't even tell if the music was still going or only in my mind.

I must have fallen asleep at some point, or simply passed out from exhaustion because the water bottle standing next to the door had definitely not been there before, but in my weakened state, I couldn't so much as lift an arm, so I just stayed where I was, closing my eyes again.

The next time I opened them, my head felt a little clearer and I was able to crawl over to the door, shakily opening the water bottle and taking a few tentative sips. Despite the lukewarm temperature, it tasted like heaven and I took a few sips more, not daring to drink too much since I had no idea how long I needed this to last.

Resuming my former position, I kept my eyes open this time, absentmindedly humming along to the song that was still going strong as I pondered over my options which weren't all that promising. I was locked up half-naked and there were too many people around to even think about escape, not to mention that I was severely weakened by my injuries which would make any attempts at running or other strenuous activity highly improbable.

Of course I could always try to use my feminine wiles to find a way out of here but I really didn't want to have to do that, because that shit scared me more than any baseball bat with barbed wire, guns or knifes ever could. I hadn't so much as kissed another person ever since Duncan, any kind of sexual activity had only taken place in the stories I read and those I made up in my head.

That was why I was so worried about Negan because instead of terror at the mere thought of him touching me, I instead felt very hot and tingly which was not very helpful.


	6. Chapter 6

Time passes very differently when you have no way to tell how much has already gone by, but I was pretty sure that it had been at least two days since I had been brought down here, my assumption mostly based on the fact that my head wasn't hurting as badly anymore. The rest of my body was however, the bruises from my fall aching no matter how I positioned myself and not wanting to stiffen up, I intermittently stood, moving around the small cell for a few minutes before sitting down again.

I had unbraided my hair so I could use it as a kind of blanket since it was pretty long, almost going down to my waist. Not the best idea in the apocalypse, but in my defense, I hadn't been here that long. There had been no new water coming my way so it had been a good thing that I had measured myself with the bottle I did get, though the lack of food was beginning to affect me.

Stomach pains had started to ail me, I wasn't used to not eating anything and the last time had been a granola bar during the walk back from Hilltop which had already been almost a day ago when I had gotten here. If my assumptions were correct, I had gone about three days without any food and my body was not happy about that at all.

The only thing that didn't bother me was the music because I had carefully removed the stuffing from my bra without actually destroying the thing in the process and had fashioned myself a nice pair of earplugs that blocked the sounds enough to let me sleep peacefully when I needed to.

Which was why I didn't hear the music stopping or the door being unlocked, but I did feel the boot to my shin, jerking awake with a start. Raising my hand, I shielded my eyes against the sudden abundance of light, blinking rapidly to clear my vision and then proceeded to remove the stuffing from my ears.

“I have no fucking clue if I should be impressed or mad, sweetheart. Three days down here and still going strong,” Negan said by way of greeting, pointedly looking at the fabric in my hands and I just blankly stared up at him, ignoring how his fresh smell wafted over to me, so much better than the no doubt disgusting air inside my cell, but he didn't seem to expect a response, continuing as he stepped closer into the cell, the door remaining open behind him.

“My men told me you have a nice singing voice, why don't you sing me a song?” He crouched down next to me, his hands folded before him as he gave me a beaming smile that made me avert my eyes for a second as I looked down at my knees, firmly pressed against my chest, keeping it from view.

“How about a nice cheeseburger and fries and then I'll sing you a song?” I countered, looking up to meet his eyes again and he breathed out a low laugh, licking his bottom lip as he regarded me thoughtfully.

As much as I didn't want to, my gaze was drawn to the movement of his tongue before I could catch myself and immediately flicked back to his eyes again as I tried keeping my face expressionless, though there was no hiding the blush I could feel creeping up my neck and heating my cheeks. His smirk didn't help much and neither did the calculation I could almost hear coming from his brain, my palms getting clammy when he smirked even wider.

“Kind of hard to get these days, but I could offer you something else instead. For a prize of course.” He had deliberately made his voice deeper and though I could suppress my shiver, he noticed how my skin pebbled with goosebumps since most of it was on show.

“Is this the part where I'm supposed to ask questions?” I couldn't help myself with the damn sass it seemed and my heart did a little flip when he raised one brow expectantly, giving me a disapproving look. For some reason it made me want to apologize instead of snapping at him again and I bit my tongue to keep from doing so. What was wrong with me? I definitely blamed the hunger, I was probably half-delirious and didn't even know it.

“I'm gonna make this a little easier for you sweetheart. A shower, some new clothes and a nice, hot meal. All I want in exchange is that you tell me a little about yourself. Someone as tough as you must have one hell of a fucking story to tell.” Stiffening, I stared at him for a few long seconds, searching his eyes for any hint of more knowledge than he should have because I did not want him to know my actual story and I wasn't sure if he was alluding to that somehow.

“I'm not stupid enough to ask your ulterior motives because I know you wouldn't tell me. But you can answer me one thing, a hot shower or a cold shower?” My answer obviously delighted him, his whole face lighting up as he beamed at me, the force of his smile hitting me like a punch to the stomach.

“See, I knew you could be a good girl if you wanted to,” he praised me and I felt myself bristle at the patronizing tone while my nipples hardened at the same time. I was sure my face was beet red but there was little I could do against that though I did try to hide behind my hair and Negan let out a chuckle, straightening up again.

Peeking at him through a curtain of hair, my eyes grew wide when he took off his leather jacket, holding it out to me but if I wanted to grab it, I would have to stand up as well, which was of course what he wanted. Inwardly steeling myself, I slowly got to my feet, needing a moment since I was weakened from lack of food and of course still injured.

Negan's eyes seem to darken as he took me in, his gaze lingering on my stomach as I snatched the jacket out of his hand and quickly put it on, nearly drowning in it. My fingertips barely peeked past the sleeves and the material went almost down to my knees, covering every part I wanted covered. The jacket was still warm from his body heat and smelled very strongly of him, his scent suddenly all around me and much harder to ignore.

“Ladies first,” my captor graciously gestured towards the open door and I had to brush past him to get out, pretending my heart wasn't beating like the energy bunny on amphetamines or that I was feeling a little dizzy from the heavenly smell of his jacket.

Picking up his bat that had been leaning against the wall outside, he didn't say anything more, just took the lead, clearly expecting me to follow him as he whistled a jolly little tune as if everything was just peachy with the world. And for him it probably was, he was the king of his own castle, had a harem of women waiting at his beck and call, coercion aside of course, commanded what could be considered a small army and basically was on top of the food-chain. If I had all of that going for me I would probably whistle too.

My bare feet slapped against the concrete as I followed Negan back the way I had come, down the corridor and up the stairs where he turned left instead of right, not bothering to look if I was still behind him. Instead of foolishly trying to make a break for it, I trotted after him like a lost puppy, keeping my eyes on his back as I ignored the people around us, though I would've preferred not noticing how broad his shoulders were.

We went up two more flights of stairs, an uncomfortable feeling beginning to grow in my stomach as I started to figure out that he was taking me to his own rooms or his wives', not sure which I would find worse. I still hadn't come to a decision on that when we stopped in front of a set of double-doors and he pulled out a ring of keys, the rattling overly loud to my ears, putting me even more on edge.

Since I didn't remember it ever being mentioned that the harem he kept was locked in, it only left his own rooms which turned out to be correct as the door opened and he waved me through, the smile on his face as unsettling as the keys had been to me.

Wordlessly, I stepped past him, my shoulder brushing against his chest and every nerve in my body on high alert, hyper-aware of his presence as I stepped into the room, my eyes flitting around to take everything in. It was just like in the show, the theme of the room mostly gray but unlike in the show, I could actually see the whole room and not just part of it.

There was another door to the left, opposite the bed and it was slightly ajar, revealing an adjacent bathroom. Following my line of sight, Negan pointed past me with Lucille, the barbed wire uncomfortably close to my face.

“You can take a shower in there, only one that has hot water. I already put out some clothes for you and there's towels and shit as well. Have fun,” he husked into my ear, leaning over me from behind and I quickly stepped away about to round the bed when he clicked his tongue, making me look back at him.

“The jacket needs to stay here I'm afraid. The humidity isn't good for the leather.” Giving said jacket a pointed look, he expectantly raised his brows, the corners of his mouth twitching when I gritted my teeth, heavily exhaling through my nose.

As he wanted me to, I slipped out of the jacket and placed it one the bed, feeling his eyes on me as I walked over to the bathroom, calmly walking inside and closing the door behind me without glancing back. Of course there was no lock on the door but I was soon distracted by the suspiciously small pile of clothes resting on the closed lid of the toilet.

Turned out to be nothing but a simple black a-line dress, no underwear in sight. I had a good mind to storm back out there and throw the thing in his face but that would reveal that I knew the significance behind it and I would have a hard time explaining that. Which I hoped was what he had been aiming for and this wasn't meant as an actual offer.

Putting the dress back down again, I caught a glance of myself in the mirror above the sink, momentarily forgetting why I was pissed off when I noticed the state I was in. I looked horrible, my face covered in dirt and blood, the eyes sunken from lack of hydration and sustenance and I didn't even want to get started on my hair. My shoulder also looked pretty bad and washing my hair was going to be an absolute bitch since I had trouble lifting my arm higher than my waist.

With a shake of my head, I turned away and walked the few steps over to the shower, turning on the water to let it warm, figuring it might take a while since this place was pretty big. Undressing myself, I carelessly threw my more than dirty underwear on the ground and held my hand under the spray, pleasantly surprised when the water was already warm.

Showering felt great, even if washing myself was a pain in the ass and I needed an eternity to disentangle my long hair. It also took a while until the water that swirled down the drain turned clear and lost it's reddish brown color but when I finally got out, I felt much better than I had in days. My good mood plummeted almost immediately when my eyes fell on my new 'clothes' but reluctant as I may was, I still put it on after I had toweled myself off, grumbling under my breath in annoyance.

I had temporarily contemplated on putting my old underwear back on but after I was clean, I could no longer ignore the smell which was unappetizing to say the least. Uncomfortable as all hell with nothing underneath the dress and pissed off about all of it, I exited the bathroom in a cloud of steam, my face no doubt showing my sour disposition.

Negan was perched on the sofa, his arms resting on the backrest and his legs splayed out in front of him, Lucille leaning against the side of the sofa. For all intents and purposes he literally looked like the cat that got the cream as he let his eyes wander over my body, licking his bottom lip before meeting my stony gaze with a smirk.

“Something the matter, sweetheart? You look like you got something to say.” He was obviously taunting me and I gave him a tight smile as I walked over to him, crossing my arms over my chest to feel less exposed to his penetrating gaze.

“Everything is perfectly fine. Thanks for letting me use your shower.” Couldn't hurt to show a little manners at least, he could have just as well had me hosed down with cold water and I did appreciate that he didn't, even if he had ulterior motives.

“You're very welcome. I think that was the most civil exchange we had yet. Maybe I should've started with the damn shower instead.” Keeping my tight smile, I sat down in one of the armchairs across from him, perched on the very edge and sitting ramrod straight before I realized what I was doing, forcing myself to relax.

There was a tray on the table, covered with a lid, the smell of food filled the air, making my stomach grumble audibly and prompting Negan to point at the table between us, telling me to eat and he didn't need to tell me twice as I picked up the tray and placed it on my lap, removing the lid.

A plate with mashed potatoes and green beans as well as some kind of meat that looked to be chicken and also smelled like it, with a small sprinkle of sauce and next to that was a small bowl with what I assumed to be canned peaches for dessert. The cutlery was of course plastic and I shot my host a look, quirking my brow and I received a shrug in return, paired with a lopsided smirk.

Deciding to ignore him, I began eating, slowly as to not upset my stomach but it was hard to pace myself when everything tasted like ambrosia after having been starved for three days. I managed somehow however by chewing every bite very deliberately, my eyes lifting to look at Negan when I heard him shift.

“So, what's your name? As much as I enjoy calling you sweetheart, I'm sure you don't so much,” he asked me in an almost bored tone and I swallowed down the food in my mouth, averting my eyes back to my plate as I cut off another piece of chicken.

“Tessa.” My tone was clipped and I continued eating, hoping he would let me finish my food before asking more questions, but of course I wasn't that lucky.

“That short for something?” I wasn't sure what he was trying to accomplish but he had definitely ruined my appetite, so I placed the tray back on the table and leaned back in the armchair, folding my hands in my lap. The mixture of being pissed off and turned on was really grinding on my nerves but I kept my face neutral, hoping it didn't show how anxious he made me.

“Comtessa.” He was clearly not satisfied by my one word answers, his jaw working as he stared back at me and I narrowed my eyes in response, wondering what he thought he would get from me but not wanting to let the situation escalate, I heaved out a sigh and gave him something else.

“My mother was a music historian and named me after Comtessa de Dia, a female troubadour from the twelfth century. I don't know why she named me that since I unfortunately was very young when she died, but my grandfather told me where my name had come from. Why are you pretending to be interested in my boring life?” I decided to ask a question of my own but he completely disregarded that, picking up Lucille and placing her over his lap, his expression deadly serious.

“Where were you when shit hit the fan?” It was a question that surely everyone in this world could answer in detail but of course I hadn't been here when that had happened and my brain froze up as I struggled to come up with a story.

“I..,” that was how far I got before no other sound would leave my lips and I looked down at my lap, wringing my hands as I frantically thought about what to say, blurting out the first thing that came to mind.

“I don't like to talk about that.” It was the wrong thing to say apparently as Negan's features darkened and the grip on his bat audibly tightened. Standing up, he moved away and over to the other half of the room, leisurely swinging Lucille in his hands, his back turned towards me.

“See, here's the problem Comtessa,” he turned around after saying my name and I felt a cold shiver go down my spine when I met his hard eyes. The atmosphere had tangibly shifted and danger was lying in the air as I felt actual fear crawl up my spine because I seemed to keep forgetting that the guy was actually kind of nuts and could bash in my skull at any moment.

“I don't believe you. I think, you don't want to talk about it because there's nothing to tell.” Closely watching my reaction, he came back towards me and I let out a nervous chuckle, convinced that all the blood had left my face.

“That's ridiculous, where else would I have been?” My voice sounded much too high, showcasing my nerves and Negan gave me a very unsettling smile, his eyes gleaming in victory as he pointed Lucille at my face.

“I didn't say you weren't here, I said there's nothing to tell. So why would you assume that that was what I fucking meant, hmm sweetheart?” Nudging my chin up with the bat, he leaned down, bringing our faces almost level and I swallowed thickly, feeling overwhelmed by the situation and his presence which was so much more imposing in person, almost like a third entity with us in the room.

“Well, why else would there be nothing to tell? And if you really must know, I was in the hospital, recovering from surgery when shit really went down. They evacuated the hospital and brought us to a camp but it didn't take long before that was overrun as well. Me and a few other people made it out and I'm sure you can imagine the rest. I don't like to talk about it because the reason I was in the hospital was that my husband at the time stabbed me in the stomach while I was pregnant. Maybe you can understand that I don't particularly like to think about that time,” I lied through my teeth and even though most of the story wasn't true, the part about the stabbing was, my hand subconsciously wandering to my stomach, his dark eyes following the movement.

Doubt reflected on his features, he had seen the scars himself but there had to be a reason why he was so suspicious in the first place and it couldn't only be that I had known about Lucille. The only ones who knew however were Rick and the others, but I was sure that if he had managed to capture one of them, they wouldn't have told him about me.

Removing the bat from my face and straightening up, Negan narrowed his eyes in contemplation before breaking out into a smirk, pointing a finger at me as he slightly shook his head.

“You're good, I give you that. But it just so happens, that a little birdie told me a different story. Ever met a guy named Spencer? Arrogant little prick, blonde hair about this height?” He motioned with his hand to simulate the height, studying my reaction but I was too stunned to even acknowledge him, my mind racing with questions.

Like how did he know Spencer? And more importantly, how did Spencer know about me and what did he actually know? Enough to have Negan question my origins apparently and I wondered if Spencer had sought out the leader of the Saviors himself or if he had been caught while out for some reason.

Someone snapping fingers in front of my face brought me out of my rapidly swirling thoughts and I blinked at Negan, opening my mouth to say I didn't know what, but he silenced me by placing a finger on my lips, stunning me into silence.

“He came to me in case you're wondering. Apparently he isn't too happy with how your leader handled things, even offered to let us through the gates himself if we took care of that problem for him. But things got really juicy when little Spencer started talking about a strange girl that had popped up out of nowhere, slotting right into the group as if she had always been there. She also seemed to know shit, shit that hadn't happened yet and of course I wouldn't believe such bullcrap if it hadn't been for Dwighty-Boy telling me about what happened on the tracks. I mean, what a fucking coincidence that you were there to save that other girl as if you had actually known what would happen.” He paused, letting his words sink in before he removed his finger from my lips and I gritted my teeth so hard it hurt as my nostrils flared. I was angry as hell about Spencer's betrayal, he had been the last person on my mind to be honest but it seemed my meddling had just speed up certain things while it had slowed others down.

“Why were you so pissed off about the dress, Comtessa?” The question was asked lowly, more of a husk and since I was already seething, I went off like a rocket, exploding in his face which was probably a very bad idea on my part.

  
“Because I don't appreciate you fucking with me like that, you asshole! And if you think for a second I would ever agree to become one of your sex-slaves, think again. I don't give a fuck who you think you are, I will not become another man's plaything ever again. It might have taken me six years to finally kill the last one but believe me, I will not hesitate that long this time.” I had jumped out of the armchair, pushing at his chest and he clearly let me because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to make him move, though I was too caught up in my anger to notice that.

Which was also why I was dumb enough to go for the door, not to escape the grounds, but this room and especially him, preferably to find Spencer and strangle him. And I did make it to the door just not in the way I had intended to as I was whirled around when reaching for the handle, a much larger body caging me against the dark wood.

This time pushing at his chest did nothing and he easily caught both my wrists in one large hand, pinning them above my head as I glared up at him, ignoring how a hot pulse shot between my legs when he pushed one of his knees between them, forcing them open. I could feel my pupils dilate and my face heat but I gritted my teeth and fought against it, narrowing my eyes in anger, though I didn't say anything, unsure what might come out of my mouth.

“You really shouldn't challenge me like that sweetheart. Not when I catch you looking at me as if I'm the last drop of fucking water in the desert. I can see that you want me babygirl, so don't fucking deny it. You're trembling already and I didn't do a damn thing yet,” Negan husked out, apparently having decided to remedy that as his hand began to trail toward my center, bunching up my dress on the way.

“I thought you were against rape,” I tried to reason but it sounded weak even to my own ears, my body reacting to his touch, clouding my rational thinking, sparks zapping up and down my spine, accumulating in my lower abdomen which was already pulsing with need.

Leaning his forehead against mine, he let out a small chuckle, his warm breath ghosting across my face, smelling of smoke and coffee but not unpleasantly which didn't help with my haywire hormones at all.

“I'm not hearing you telling me to stop,” he responded lowly, his voice so deep, I could swear I felt the vibration right down to my toes and for a fraction of a second, he halted the path of his hand, daring me to say no and to my shame, I didn't say anything, instead letting out a muffled whimper as he reached my mound, slowly sliding further down. Groaning in appreciation, Negan forced my legs further apart and let his fingers trail over my already slippery folds, a testament to his earlier statement and I bit down on my tongue to keep from making any sound, hard enough to draw blood.

“Look at you, so fucking wet already for me. You're such a good girl for Daddy, aren't you?” He whispered in my ear and my hips jerked once as a bolt of lighting shot straight into my core at his words, another muffled whimper coming from my throat.

Without warning he suddenly plunged two fingers inside and I let out a surprised cry at the burn, in no way ready to take more than one digit. It hurt, but I also liked it very much, pain and pleasure had been forever interwoven for me to this weird thing I craved and hated equally, stoking my anger up again.

“You might think that what you're doing to Sherry and the others isn't rape, but it is. They don't say no, because they can't, not because they want you. You manipulate, threaten, coerce and then think that is consent? It's not. You're just as much of a monster as every other rapist,” I spat out venomously, giving away much more than I had intended but my brain wasn't working properly, struggling with processing everything that was going on and that I was feeling at once.

Letting go of my wrists, Negan grabbed my throat and applied pressure, his expression furious and I yelped when his fingers were ripped out of me and held up to my face, the evidence of my arousal glistening on his digits.

“Does this look like rape to you? Because to me it doesn't. The wives might not be happy all the time, but they're not fucking complaining when we're fucking. And they get a fuck ton of shit in return, least of all an easy life. None of those girls would make it out there and they fucking know that which is why they agreed to this. It's mutually beneficial for all parties involved,” he informed me heatedly. I had obviously hit a sore spot and because I couldn't let things be, angry at myself for my reaction to him, I lashed out again.

“How convenient for you. I'm sure it has nothing to do with you just being a scumbag who treats women like shit because he doesn't give a fuck about them. Just like you did with Lucille when she got sick. What kind of asshole cheats on his loving wife whilst she is dying?” If I had thought I had seen him being scary before, it was nothing to the way his whole person seemed to change into nothing but cold fury, the hand around my throat tightening, cutting off my air as he just stared at me with dead eyes, completely disregarding how I clawed at his hand, scared out of my mind that he would kill me.

“Do not ever talk about her again. You're nothing compared to her and don't deserve to even mention her. Do I make myself clear?” His voice was as cold as the air he was giving off and I managed a minuscule nod, black spots dancing in my vision but just before I could pass out, he let go, stepping away completely and I crumpled to the floor, coughing as I gasped for breath, lying on my side.

Flashbacks of my marriage flickered through my mind, catapulting me back into the mindset I had back then and when Negan's boots came closer, I curled in on myself and let out a choked whimper, making myself as small as possible. I was driven by fear, old instincts overruling the newer, fresher ones and I put up no fight when I was picked up off the floor by my arm, keeping my head down as I was righted against the door.

“Seems to me you have finally learned your lesson, sweetheart. But maybe a few more days in the basement wouldn't hurt.” Negan's voice was no longer cold, but still tinged with anger and also a lot of smugness over having reduced me to what I currently was.

The way back down was nothing but a blur to me, things only coming back into focus when we had reached my cell and I was about to step inside when I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. Fearing the worst, I glanced back at him, my stomach churning from the smug smirk he was giving me as he pointed at my dress.

“I'm gonna need that back buttercup. Can't give anyone the wrong impression about your place here,” he informed me lightly and it broke through my scared stupor, my anger returning. This had obviously been the plan all along, which had been why he hadn't provided me underwear and gritting my teeth, I pulled the dress over my head in one swift move and threw it at his face.

“Fuck you Negan. Take a good look, because you're never going to get any of this;” I croaked out hoarsely, gesturing at my naked body before turning around and stomping into the cell, resuming my old position in the corner with a huff.

The light that fell into the cell darkened as Negan appeared in the doorway, the dress in hand and I turned my head, staring at the wall instead of him.

“It appears you still haven't figured out how this new world works so let me fucking explain it to you. I make the rules here and I always get what I want one way or the other. See you in a few days, Comtessa.” I kept staring at the wall, refusing to acknowledge him but his words definitely send a shiver down my spine and I flinched when the door banged shut, closing my eyes in exhaustion.

My throat was hurting badly, each time I had to swallow feeling like razor-blades going down my esophagus and without any clothes, the floor was much colder against my ass. As if on cue, the music started playing, much louder than it had ever been before and I buried my hands in my hair, pressing my palms against my ears. I really wished for my makeshift earplugs because I was very sure that sleeping would become almost impossible this time around and I was right.


End file.
